Blood in the Bathroom
by CRIMS0N HAZE
Summary: It's getting hard to breathe,' Zack thougth to himself as he stared into the bloodshot eyes of his reflection, 'Maybe I should just...stop.'
1. All Nighter

_Blood in the Bathroom _by Rose Haze

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

**Author's Note: **And now for the ultimate test. Is Crims0nHaze a master storyteller? Is she a one-hit-wonder? Is she somewhere in between? Read and find out.

**Summary: **For the most part, Zack and Cody have lived a sweet life. But now everything is changing, and Zack doesn't like it. Nobody can see it, but he quickly falls into a spiral of depression and despair. He feels like he is trapped in an ocean, trying to keep his head above the water—until he realizes that life is much easier when you don't have to breathe.

_This chapter is dedicated to xfilesguy123 and strawberryfinn because they are crazy enough to co-write with me._

**Chapter One**

All-Nighter

"_Life is a terrible thing to sleep through"-_ What's Eating Gilbert Grape tagline

Darkness reigned in the dark bedroom. It was a cold February evening and night had already fallen. The room was clean, which was unusual from its normal state. Zack Martin lay in his bed which was still made. He blinked a few times and then glanced at his watch. It was already seven o'clock. He had gone to sleep as soon as he got home from school that afternoon. He stared at the creamy white ceiling. He could hear the clanging sounds of spoons hitting the edges of porcelain bowls, and the smell of vegetable soup wafted in through the closed door.

_'Thanks for waking me up for dinner, Mom,'_ Zack thought bitterly. Tears of frustration stung his eyes. He wasn't sure why he was upset. He wasn't hungry at all, and he didn't like vegetable soup anyways.

He turned over in bed and squeezed his eyes shut.

_'I'll get up in a minute,' _he thought to himself. He was still tired but he knew that he had to get up soon or he'd be up all night… again.

He had been sleeping during the day a lot lately. Then he would wake up in the evening and not be able to get back to sleep at night.

_'I'm really getting up in one more minute,'_ Zack told himself as he buried his face in his pillow, _'just one more minute…'_

He fell back to sleep before he could complete that thought.

"Zack? Zack, wake up."

Zack heard his brother's voice and felt him shaking him awake, "Is it time for school?" he mumbled without opening his eyes.

"No…" Cody said, confused, "Not until tomorrow morning."

Zack did not say anything. He just curled up tighter against his comforter. He felt the mattress sink slightly. Cody was sitting behind him. He rested his head on Zack's forehead.

"Do you feel alright?"

Zack opened his eyes, "Yeah, I'm just tired."

"You've been sleeping a lot lately," Cody said gently, "Are you sure everything's okay?"

He sat up and looked around the dark room, "Everything's fine," he whispered, not making eye contact.

Cody clapped him on the shoulder, "Good. Do you want to start working on our history project?"

"Yeah," Zack said. He buried his face in his hands. He completely forgot about the project. He had been forgetting a lot of his homework over the past few weeks. He'd never been a good student, but lately his grades were dropping lower and lower.

"Okay," Cody said as he climbed out of the bed, "Mom made soup for dinner before she went down to sing. Do you want me to heat some up for you?"

"It's okay," Zack replied. He followed Cody out of their room, "I'm not hungry."

The phone rang as soon as they walked into the living room. Cody went to answer it and Zack went to the table to start their project. He watched Cody as he talked into the receiver.

"Hello? Oh, hey Hannah, what's up? No, I'm just doing my homework—nothing important."

Zack bit his lip. He hated to admit it, even to himself, but the comment stung. He never told anyone that _Cody_ wasn't important.

He shook his head and opened his history notebook, so he could find out what the project was supposed to be about. But when he opened it he saw something, written in his own handwriting, which caused his stomach to drop.

"TEST! Chapters 10-13 Friday! DON'T FORGET!"

Zack sank back in his chair, breathing heavily. He _did_ forget. He completely forgot. He didn't even remember what chapters ten through thirteen were about.

_'If I fail this test I'll fail the entire quarter,' _he thought frantically. Even if he passed there was still a chance that he would fail the quarter. He failed every other quiz they took for those chapters.

Cody twirled the telephone wire around his finger and listened to Hannah as she talked about her idea for a fundraiser for the science club. Out of the corner of his eye he glanced at Zack to see if he was getting started on the project. He wasn't. He was sitting slumped over in the chair, staring at a notebook in disbelief.

"Hannah, can I talk to you tomorrow?" Cody interrupted, "I have some homework I need to finish."

"Sure," she replied, "I'll meet you in the library before school starts."

"Okay, I'll talk to you then."

He said goodbye than hung up.

"Zack?" he asked as he walked to the table, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered, still staring at his notebook.

Cody sat next to him, "Are you sure?"

Zack looked up to him, his eyes glistened with tears. He turned the notebook to face Cody.

"Yeah, we have that big test tomorrow," Cody said, trying to figure out what was wrong, "We've been reviewing for it for weeks now."

"I haven't!" Zack cried, "I'm gonna fail!"

Cody's eyes widened as he watched a tear trail down Zack's cheek. He hadn't seen Zack cry for a very long time. And he usually didn't get upset over school work.

"It won't be that hard," he said.

"Yeah, not for you!" Zack exclaimed. He stood up, "I don't get this stuff. I never have!" He turned around so that Cody couldn't see the tears streaming down his face."

"I'll help you study for it."

"There's not enough time. We have to do the project. That's worth just as much as the test. I have to pass both of them."

Cody began to put his supplies in his backpack, "The project's not due for another week. We have plenty of time to finish it."

He stood up and walked over to Zack, "Is there something you haven't been telling me? You're acting weird."

"No I'm not."

He let out a defeated sigh, "Fine, don't tell me," he paused, "Do you want me to help you study or not?"

Zack dried his tears and nodded.

"Okay," Cody said. He took Zack's hand and led him to the table and they opened their history books.

Cody went over everything that was going to be on the test and explained everything that Zack didn't understand.

They were still studying when Carey came back.

Zack was catching on quickly enough. He felt embarrassed for crying in front of Cody. He tried to pretend that it didn't happen.

"How's the project coming along?" Carey asked when she walked into the suite.

"It's on hold," Cody replied, "We're studying for a test instead."

After a little while, Carey went to bed. Zack and Cody continued studying in their room. They sat on Cody's bed, side by side, looking over his textbook.

"Okay," Cody said, "Where was the atomic bomb dropped?"

"Hiroshima"

"Right, when was the date?"

"August 6th nineteen forty-five"

Cody closed the book and smiled at Zack, "I think you're ready."

Zack looked at him hopefully, "really?"

"Yes, really," Cody replied lying back against his pillows. It was almost one o'clock in the morning. He was exhausted from all of the studying—and he already knew everything."

"Thanks for helping me, Cody," he said quietly.

Cody played with the fringe of his quilt, "Zack, you'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?"

"What do you mean?"

He sat up, "You've been acting different lately. You're always sleeping and you've been really quiet. And I think this is the first time I've ever seen you worry about school in your entire life."

"Nothing's wrong," Zack whispered.

"Okay," Cody replied, even though he sounded like he didn't believe him, "If you decide you want to talk you know where to find me."

"Thanks, Dr. Cody," he muttered sarcastically.

Cody turned the lights off and climbed under his covers, "Night, Zack." He said as his brother walked to his own bed, "Good luck tomorrow."

"Night," Zack replied. He got into his bed and pulled the covers up to his neck.

As he slowly drifted to sleep, he wondered if Cody was right. He _had_ been feeling sort of weird in the recent weeks.

_'There's nothing wrong with me,' _Zack thought emphatically, _'I'm fine.'_

**To Be Continued**

**Up Next: Chapter Two Results**

Please review :)


	2. The Dream

_Blood in the Bathroom _by Rose Haze

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.I got all of my WW11 information from the ever helpful Wikipedia.

**Author's Note: **In my last chapter I said that the next chapter would be called "Results". Well, that was a total lie. Sorry about that. I hope you like this chapter. Please let me know what you think!

_This chapter is dedicated to my very first reviewer, Sketchy Ghost._

**Chapter Two**

The Dream

"_You've always known your heart was on its own" –_Andrew Lloyd Webber

A peaceful sleep was penetrated by the sound of a manicured fist pounding on the door.

"Zack, wake up!" Carey called, "You're going to be late!"

Zack grudgingly opened his eyes. The big red numbers on his alarm clock seemed to be taunting him. It was almost eight in the morning. Sleepily, Zack rolled out of bed and put on a pair of jeans. He walked out of the room wearing the t-shirt he slept in.

"Morning," said Cody, who was sitting at the table eating some toast. His hair was combed and he was wearing neat, clean clothes, "Are you ready for the test?"

"I guess," Zack muttered as he took a seat next to his brother.

Carey placed a plate of toast in front of him, "You better be," she said, "You guys were up really late studying for it."

Zack stared at the buttered toast in front of him. All he could think about was the test. He was feeling nervous, so the food looked extremely unappetizing. He tried to remember some of the things that he went over with Cody the night before.

Cody looked at Zack and frowned. Something was definitely going on and he wasn't telling him.

_'Maybe he's just really worried about the test.'_

"You'll do fine, Zack," he said gently, "You knew everything we studied last night."

"I know," Zack said in an almost whisper.

"Hurry up and finish eating," Carey told them, "Then go brush your teeth. You're going to be late."

Cody jumped up, "I can't be late," he said as he brought his plate to the dishwasher, "I promised Hannah that I would meet her in the library today."

Zack forced himself to take a few bites of his toast, and then he followed Cody into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

The quickly got ready and went downstairs so Carey could take them to school. She dropped them off and they walked into the building together.

"I'll see you in second period," Cody said once they reached the library, "Good luck on the test."

"Thanks," Zack answered quietly. He walked solemnly to homeroom, staring at the floor for the most part.

Cody sighed as he watched Zack go. He really wished he knew what was going on with him.

"Hey, Cody!" Hannah called.

At the sound of her voice, Cody was instantly able to push his worries about Zack aside.

"Hey," he answered, walking over to her. She was sitting in the reference section. Her long, light brown hair caught the light from the window. She smiled when she saw him, revealing perfect white teeth that were framed by full, luscious lips.

Cody sat down across from her, "What's up?"

"Nothing," she said as she twirled a few strands of hair around her ring finger, "What about you?"

"Not much," he answered, wishing he had something interesting to say to her.

She nodded.

_'She's so beautiful when she nods,' _Cody thought dreamily.

"Did you do anything fun last night?"

_'She's so beautiful when she asks me if I did anything fun last night.'_

"Cody?"

_'I love the way she says my name...'_

"Cody?" she asked again, frowning.

Cody jumped up, "Sorry," he said, embarrassed, "I was up late studying last night."

Hannah laughed, "Me too. I'm so worried about that history test."

The bell rang and the two of them stood up.

"I'll see you later," Cody said as he slung his book bag over his shoulder.

"Yeah, definitely," she said, "Do you want to sit with me at lunch?"

Cody's eyes widened, "Really? I mean—yeah. Yeah, I do."

She smiled at him and straightened her pink t-shirt, "I'll see you then."

"See you," he echoed as they went their separate ways.

He smiled to himself. Everything was perfect.

----

Zack stared at the doorway to his history room. Homeroom and first period went by way too fast in his opinion. Now it was time for the big test and he was feeling as nervous as ever. His stomach felt all jittery like he was about to throw up.

He took a deep breath and walked in. He looked around for Cody, hoping he would be able to reassure him that he would be fine. Whenever he was nervous or worried about anything, it was always Cody who was there to make him feel better.

Zack's eyes landed on his brother's identical head. He was sitting in the back of the room talking to Hannah Bradley.

Zack sighed and went to his own desk. He pulled out the notes that Cody let him borrow and went over everything that would be on the test.

"Everyone take your seats," called out the teacher, Mr. Cooper, "it's time for the test."

Zack's stomach cramped up and he put his notebook away. Cody sat down next to him without saying anything.

Mr. Cooper began to pass the tests out. Zack's mouth went dry when he saw the stack of papers. Mr. Cooper placed a copy of the test on his desk and moved on. His eyes widened when he saw that it was five pages back and front.

He looked at the first question.

_When did Japan attack the United States at Pearl Harbor?_

'_I don't know!' _Zack realized frantically. He knew last night, but now he was drawing a complete blank, _'Why can't this be multiple choice?'_

He wrote down 'September 17, 1939' even though he knew that was the wrong answer. It was the only date that he could remember though.

_Who was the American president at the beginning of World War 11?_

Zack wracked his brain, and wrote down "Theodore Roosevelt" thinking that it sounded familiar.

He nervously read over some of the other questions.

_What caused Japan to surrender?_

_'The atomic bomb!' _Zack remembered immediately. He spent the rest of the period answering the questions on the test. He remembered some of the answers right away, but many of them escaped him completely.

When the class was just about over, Zack finished the test. He brought it up to Mr. Cooper's desk. He was the last one to finish.

"I'll have these graded by tomorrow," Mr. Cooper said as the class gathered their things "Have a good day."

Zack and Cody walked out of the room together.

"How did you do?" Cody asked him.

"I don't know," Zack admitted, "Good, I hope."

Hannah was waiting for Cody at the door.

Zack looked at his brother, "Hey Cody, do you think—"

"Cody!" Hannah interrupted, grabbing his arm, "Let's walk to English together!"

The two of them walked down the hall, completely ignoring Zack.

Zack watched in disbelief as they disappeared around the corner, "How did that just happen?" he wondered out loud.

-----

It was raining when school let out that day. Zack ran to the bus to keep from getting wet. He went to his usual seat and waited for Cody to get there. He rubbed the back of his neck. It had been hurting him for the past few days. His whole body just felt worn out.

The bus was pretty much filled up when Cody finally got on. He plopped down next to Zack without saying anything.

Zack looked at him, "What took you so long?"

Cody shrugged, "I was talking to Hannah."

_'Again?' _Zack thought in annoyance.

Out loud he asked, "Do you want to hang out in the game room when we get home?"

He didn't really feel like going to the game room. He was getting bored with all the games there. It wasn't like when they first moved into the hotel and everything was new and exciting. But he really wanted to hang out with Cody. Except for the night before, the two of them had not been spending very much time together.

"I can't right away," Cody explained, "I have to call Hannah when I get home. Maybe later tonight though."

"Yeah," Zack said, trying not to sound too disappointed, "Maybe."

They didn't say much else after that. Once they got to the hotel Cody stayed in the lobby to buy some candy. Zack headed straight up to the suite. He went into his and Cody's room. He climbed into his bed and went to sleep

_Zack was climbing up a steep hill. He didn't know exactly where he was, only that he needed to get to the top. It was really hot. The sun beat down on him. The hill was a dirt road. Every so often a car would wiz by, leaving a trail of exhaust. Zack looked up. He saw a group of people running down the hill, coming right at him. _

'Why are they running _down_ the hill?' _Zack wondered. _

_The group came closer to them. Zack saw that it consisted of his mom, his dad, Cody, Hannah, Bob, Tapeworm, Mr. Moseby, London and Maddie. They were about to run right passed him._

_"Come on, Zack!" Cody called, "You're going the wrong way!"_

_"No I'm not!" He called back, "You guys are going the wrong way."_

_"You don't belong up there, Zack." Cody said in a low voice, "You're never going to find what you're looking for if you go that way."_

_"Fine," Zack relented, "I'll come with you guys."_

_"NO!" everyone exclaimed. They wouldn't stop running. _

_"You guys go ahead," Cody told them, "I'll catch up with you later."_

_"Be careful!" Carey called. The group passed them and disappeared down the hill. Cody jogged over to Zack._

_"You can't come with us, Zack," he told him, "This is something you're going to have to do on your own."_

_"You'll help me won't you?" Zack asked him._

_Cody looked to where everyone else had gone, "I can't."_

_He started to run down the hill. Zack grabbed his arm._

_"What's going on?"_

_"Let go of me!" Cody screamed, "You can't be with us anymore! You're supposed to go up the hill!" He broke free from Zack and ran down the hill._

_"Cody wait!" Zack exclaimed. He tried to run after Cody, but he couldn't get down the hill. It was like gravity was making him walk upwards._

_"You said I was going the wrong way!" he shouted._

_"I know, Zack!" Cody's voice rang out, "But sometimes you have to go the wrong way before you can find the right way!"_

'What?' _Zack wondered._

_He turned to look up and saw that he reached the top of the hill. He looked back to see if he could still see his family and friends, then he realized that he was not on the hill anymore. _

_He was in a small, dark cave. He could barely see anything. Then suddenly the entire place was illuminated. He looked down and saw that the ground had caught fire. There was no way out. Unable to think of any other way to save himself, Zack began to scream for help._

"Wake up, Zack! ZACK! Wake up!"

Zack's eyes flew open. He looked around. He wasn't in a cave and he wasn't on fire. He was in his room. The lights were turned on. It was still raining outside. He looked up and saw Cody perched in front of him. He was clutching the cordless phone in his hands. His face was white.

"Z-Zack?" he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Zack said, breathing heavily, "I'm fine." He looked at his brother who was shaking like crazy, "Are _you_ okay?"

Cody put the phone down on the table beside the bed, "You were screaming," he said, "I was on the phone with Hannah in the living room and all of the sudden I heard you screaming." His words were coming out extremely quickly, "God, Zack I thought someone got into the hotel and was attacking you or something."

Zack laid down against the pillows, "I guess I was just having a bad dream," he replied, not wanting to tell Cody about it. He wasn't sure what it meant or if it meant anything at all. He thought about it, about how everyone was running away from him, not wanting him to join them. His eyes filled with tears. That was exactly how it felt in real life sometimes, like nobody wanted him. His mom never thought about him anymore. His dad was always with the band. All Cody ever thought about was Hannah. And Maddie had her own friends. Where did that leave Zack?

"Tell me what's going on Zack," Cody said when he saw that he was about to cry, "Please?"

Zack looked into his identical blue eyes. He could tell that Cody was worried about him.

"Nothing's going on," he whispered.

"Zack," he said again, his voice catching, "Please talk to me. You're scaring me."

"I just want to be alone."

Cody sighed. Obeying his brother's wishes, he picked up the phone and walked out of the room.

Zack felt a wave of sadness as he watched his brother go. Suddenly, he didn't want to be alone anymore.

He felt like he was always alone.

**To Be Continued**

**Up Next: Chapter Three: Results **(for real this time)

Please review!


	3. Results

_Blood in the Bathroom _by Rose Haze

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.I also do not own _Poison_ or _Kerosene_ by Chris Wooding, but both of them should be read :)

**Author's Note: **It's been awhile. I'm nervous about this chapter because it's not as good as I hoped it would be. Please keep reading after it though, because I'm really excited about some of the stuff I have in mind for this story.

_This chapter is dedicated to In NYC whose e-mail motivated me to write this chapter._

**Chapter Three**

Results

"_Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong."—Winston Churchill_

The cordless phone was shaking in Cody's hands as he returned to the couch. His heart was beating so fast he could hear it. His stomach hurt and his head was reeling from what just happened.

_'What _did_ just happen?' _he wondered numbly as he sat down and stared at the blank TV screen.

_He had been sitting on the couch talking to Hannah when, out of nowhere, he heard a scream from his room. Chills went down his neck and the screaming continued._

'Zack'_ he thought with a sinking sensation, "Hannah, I have to call you back!" he exclaimed before shutting off the phone._

Cody shook his head, remembering the pure terror he felt as he tore into their room and saw his brother convulsing in his sleep. _At first he thought that somebody was attacking him… but there was no one in the room. Then he thought Zack might be having a seizure or something… but how did that explain the screaming? By the time he got to Zack's bed it was clear that he was having a bad dream. _

"Something's really wrong," Cody whispered to himself as he recalled what happened next. He managed to wake Zack up. He had been screaming and crying in his sleep. He made it very clear that he did not want to talk to Cody. Cody practically begged Zack to tell him what was going on, but Zack just said that he wanted to be alone.

_'Why wouldn't he talk to me?'_

The phone rang, pushing Cody out of his reverie.

"Hello?" he said, answering it after the first ring.

"Cody?" it was Hannah. Her sweet, intelligent voice was filled with concern, "Is everything okay? I heard somebody scream."

"It was the TV," Cody lied, "Sorry I hung up on you."

"It's okay," Hannah said, "I'm just glad everything's alright."

"It is," Cody confirmed. He lay down on the couch and let his worries of his brother drift away, "What were we talking about?"

"Chris Wooding," she said eagerly, naming one of Cody's favorite authors.

"Oh yeah," he said, "Have you read _Kerosene_?"

"No—only _Poison_."

"I haven't read that one yet."

"It's _so_ good," Hannah squealed, "I can let you borrow it. I'll give it to you at lunch tomorrow."

"Okay," Cody replied, smiling to himself. He was going to have lunch with Hannah Bradley for the second time in two days.

------

_'It's cold.'_

Zack snuggled deeper into his covers. He wanted to go back to sleep but he couldn't. He watched the sun set behind the trees outside his window. The sky was a pink and yellow frame for the yellow ball of fire. Even though he was inside in bed, Zack knew how it must feel outside. The air would be warm and moist with humidity. Cars would whiz by in the distance, and crickets would be chirping in a patchy rhythm. Streetlights would be on even though the sun would still be out for a little while longer.

He closed his eyes and pretended he was out there. He wouldn't have to think about anything bad because the calmness of dusk would envelope him in a feeling of serenity where nothing could touch him.

But in the back of his mind, he knew that was not the way things were. He wasn't outside, he was in his room. It wasn't even _his _room. It was the Tipton's room.

_'What are things going to be like when I get older?'_ he wondered with a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. _'When I'm out of school, working some crappy job and living alone. What's Christmas going to be like? Am I going to come visit Mom at the Tipton? Will she still work here? What about Cody? He'll probably be married and have kids and be making a lot of money. Will he invite me to his house for the holidays and stuff like that?'_

He let out a long, staggering sigh. He thought about this sort of thing all the time and he didn't know why.

He got out of bed left his room. As soon as he opened the door he heard Cody's voice.

"Yeah, and I know Mr. Nelson would supervise if we asked him," he was saying enthusiastically.

Zack looked around for his mom but he didn't see her. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was seven—she was singing downstairs.

"Okay," Cody said, "Bye, Hannah."

He hung up the phone.

Zack rolled his eyes. Cody had been talking to Hannah _again_.

Cody looked up when he saw Zack, "Hey," he said softly, "You feeling better?"

He sat next to him on the couch, "I told you I was fine," he muttered.

"Yeah," Cody stared at the phone, wishing he were still talking to Hannah, "Do you want to start the project tonight."

"I guess," Zack replied reluctantly. He hated homework.

"Cool," Cody said, leaping up, "I was thinking we could do something on the Industrial Revolution or the Great Depression. We can do before and after graphs and pie charts on the economy."

"Yeah," Zack said, following him to the table "sounds fascinating."

"I know," Cody said, not detecting the sarcasm in his twin's voice, "it's like math and history all in one."

Zack smirked, "maybe we can do a pie chart on the technology so we can add science in there too."

"That's a great idea," Cody said, his eyes lighting up. He looked so excited at the prospect that Zack burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"You are," Zack said, smiling, "You're such a nerd."

Cody smiled too, "So I've heard."

Zack's laughter slowly trailed off, "Well you are."

Cody shrugged, "Say that again after I prove that E doesn't equal mc2 and find a new equation that will help man travel faster than the speed of sound and am making ten zillion dollars a year and you're still here playing video games and riding your skateboard."

"I have no idea what you just said," Zack laughed, "But I'm going to take it as an insult."

"Good."

They sat down and got to work. Zack closed his eyes for a second as Cody dug through his backpack for all of his project material. It was times like this when he could push away the negative thoughts that seemed to consume him. But these times were happening less and less. It was rare for him and Cody to hang out—or even just sit and joke around making harmless jabs at each other.

"So what do you want to do?" Cody asked, "The Industrial Revolution or The Great Depression?"

Zack answered immediately, "The Great Depression."

They worked for about an hour, and then Carey returned from her concert in the lounge. She made dinner, then the boys went back to doing their project. By the time eleven o'clock rolled around, the project was almost finished.

"I think I'm going to bed," Cody said as Zack colored in one of the bar graphs, "We can finish this tomorrow."

Zack nodded. He watched Cody retreat into their bedroom. Their mom was already asleep.

_'And I'm alone again.'_

--------

The second hand of the clock was moving, but time seemed to stand still. Zack glanced to his right, hoping to catch Cody's eye. But Cody was staring straight in front of him—at the back of Hannah Bradley's head.

Zack clenched his fists as Mr. Cooper paced back and forth talking about Harry Truman. As usual, he wasn't paying attention. He was too nervous about getting his test back.

_'If I didn't pass I'll fail for the quarter—maybe the year,'_ Zack reminded himself, _'I might not pass seventh grade.'_

It was nine forty-five when Mr. Cooper finally stopped teaching. There were only five minutes left of class.

"I have your tests graded," he said, reaching into a manila folder, "Overall I was impressed. Remember you can do the questions at the end of the chapter for extra credit."

He began to pass the tests out. Zack took a few deep breaths. This was it.

"Nice job," Mr. Cooper said as he placed Cody's test on his desk.

Zack looked at it out of the corner of his eye. One hundred percent, naturally, with the words "good work" written under the big red numbers.

Mr. Cooper placed Zack's paper on his desk, face down.

_'That's not a good sign,'_ he thought nervously.

Biting his lip, he turned the paper over. A big red 65 glared at him from its space on the paper.

Tears sprang to Zack's eyes. He failed.

----------

Zack leaned against the window of the bus and watched the world pass him by. His head bumped lightly against the dirty window, but he didn't care about the headache it was giving him.

"You can do the extra credit," Cody said, looking at him with a worried expression.

Zack nodded, not saying anything. He had not said a word since History class. He was afraid he was going to start crying again, and he was _not _going to let that happen. It was bad enough when Cody saw it. He didn't want the whole school to know that he was some loser crybaby who couldn't even pass a stupid test.

"I just don't understand how you could have failed," Cody said, "You knew what was on the test the night before. How could you have forgotten everything over night?"

"I don't know, Cody," Zack said in a strained voice, wanting him to shut up about the test.

"It just doesn't make sense," Cody went on, "You knew that stuff as well as I did, how could you have done so badly?"

"Can you just _drop it_?" Zack snapped, "I'm an idiot, I get it."

Cody looked at him with wide eyes, "I-I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't mean—it's just…"

The bus lurched, stopping in front of the Tipton.

Zack stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

"I didn't mean it like that, Zack," Cody said as he followed him off the bus, "It came out wrong."

"Whatever."

They got off the bus and walked into the hotel.

"But seriously, you knew _everything_ the other night. You don't just forget that sort of thing."

The made their way through the lobby, which was pretty much empty except for a few hospital employees. They stopped in front of the elevator.

Zack sighed deeply, getting annoyed, "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Maybe if you use flashcards or something next time—,"

"Shut _up_!" he exclaimed, spinning around to face Cody, "I said I don't want to talk about it!"  
A look of hurt crossed Cody's face, and for a second Zack felt guilty. But the guilt vanished almost instantly.

_'I told him I didn't want to talk about it. He should have listened and minded his own business.'_

They stepped into the elevator and did not speak as they ascended to their floor.

"I have to call Hannah," Cody said quietly once they got to the door to their suite.

"What a break from the usual routine, Cody," Zack said sarcastically as they walked in, "very spontaneous of you."

"What's your problem?" Cody asked angrily, "I've been trying to help you figure out this whole history test thing, and instead of thanking me you yell at me. And now—"

"What's there to figure out?" Zack exploded, "I failed. I'm stupid, the end."

His eyes filled with tears.

_'Hold it,'_ he ordered himself, _'Go to your room and deal. Don't let Cody see this again...'_

"Zack?" Cody reached out to him.

Zack flinched, "Leave me alone!"

"No," he said, "Something's wrong and you know it."

"STOP TELLING ME SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH ME!" he screamed.

Carey ran into the living room area, "_What_ is going on?" she asked immediately.

"That's what I'm trying to find out," Cody muttered.

"Well stop trying to figure it out and call your stupid girlfriend," Zack said, turning to his room.

"Don't call Hannah stupid."

Zack whirled around and looked at Cody. He narrowed his eyes.

"Are you serious?" he asked in a low, flabbergasted voice, "That—that's what you have to say?"

Carey took a step closer to Zack, "Zack, what's wrong?"

Zack stepped back, "nothing," he whispered, "I—I'm going to lay down."

He walked to his room and closed the door behind him.

Carey turned to face Cody, "What was that all about? Did you guys have a fight?"

Cody put his backpack down on the ground, "I think so," he said, "Something's bothering him, but I don't know what."

Carey sighed, "I'll talk to him later. Just leave him alone for a little while, give him some time to cool down."

"Okay," Cody agreed. He went to the kitchen to get the phone.

------

Zack lay face down on his bed. His face was buried in his pillow, which was soaking up tears. His entire body was shaking with sobs.

_'What's wrong with me?'_

**To Be Continued**

**Up Next: Chapter Four: Bleeding Through Seams**

Please review!


	4. Bleeding Through Seams

_Blood in the Bathroom _by Rose Haze

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

**Author's Note: **Hey people. This story… it's not going where I want it to go. It's just not happening the way I wanted it to. This chapter… I don't know where it came from. I usually don't use outlines when I write long works of fiction because I find them to be so paralyzing. But I _really_ wish I knew what I was doing with this story. Ahhh, enough of that. PM me if you're feeling charitable and want to let me vent my writing sorrows to you /

_This chapter is dedicated to Bekll0Bella who is a very awesome and insightful reviewer. Words cannot describe how much I appreciate her criticisms and corrections and praise. This is my thanks : )_

**Chapter Four**

Bleeding Through Seams

"_Devil boy, what have you done?"-_ 7Mary3

Zack drifted in and out of a dreamless sleep as the force of his crying slowly drifted away. He opened his eyes and saw the late afternoon sunlight casting yellow rays through the window. He sat up, planning to get out of bed, and then the memories of his test grade came flooding back in, making him curl up in bed and force himself back to sleep. The last thing he heard was the phone ring before his mind went blank.

­­­------

Carey glanced at Cody from the kitchen. He was lounging on the couch reading a book, looking perfectly content. She sighed and went back to stirring the spaghetti.

She knew that as Zack got older she was going to have problems with him. He was stubborn and had a serious issue with following any sort of rule. And he got so angry sometimes. For awhile she worried that he was going to have the same anger management problems as his father.

_'I never expected this,'_ she thought sadly as she added cilantro to the sauce. Zack rarely got mad about anything anymore. And that bothered her. She never thought she would miss the days of Zack causing trouble in the Tipton lobby or picking on Cody. _'He's so apathetic these days,'_ she mused,_ 'it's like he doesn't care about anything anymore—including himself._

Carey put a timer on the oven, then went to the couch and sat next to Cody.

"Let's talk," she said without preamble.

Cody looked up, "About what?" he asked, not putting the book down.

"Zack."

He sighed, placed a bookmark between the pages he was reading, and then set the book on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"I don't know what his problem is," Cody said, with anger on the edges of his voice, "I help him study, I practically did our entire project all by myself, and I keep our room clean and he doesn't appreciate any of it."

He finished with a huff and marveled in the fact that he managed to go from sounding like a normal teenager to sounding like an ignored housewife in the span of ten seconds.

"Do you think there's a reason he's been acting this way?"

"Because he's Zack," Cody replied, slightly annoyed, "He always thinks he can just glide through life without working at anything, but it doesn't work that way."

Carey rested her forehead in her hands, "I know you're mad that he blew up at you earlier," she said, "but I'm getting worried about him. He's been acting so different lately."

Cody bit his lip. The resentment he was feeling toward Zack vanished, and he began to feel sort of nervous.

"Maybe he's just stressed about school and stuff," he offered.

"You're probably right," Carey said softly. She didn't think it was that simple, but she realized that maybe Cody wasn't the best person for her to be discussing this with. For one thing, she did not want to worry him over something that could be nothing more than teen hormones. And beside that, she knew that Zack was the person she needed to be talking to.

The phone rang, interrupting the conversation that was on the verge of ending.

Cody leapt up from his seat on the chair and bounded toward the telephone, "Hello?" he asked eagerly.

Carey watched as his face fell.

"Yeah," he said glumly, "here she is."

Cody brought the phone over to his mom.

"Hello?" Carey asked.

"Hello, Mrs. Martin," the caller replied, "This is Jeff Cooper, Zack and Cody's history teacher."

"Oh," Carey said, trying to hide the surprise in her voice. It had been awhile since she received a call from the boys' school. It had not been long ago when she was getting calls pretty much everyday, from teachers complaining about Zack's behavior. He was always calling out in class, slacking off, and playing pranks. He even went as far as to trick the teachers into transferring him into a class where he thought he wouldn't have to do as much work. But recently, the calls stopped. Zack seemed to be doing better in school. Or was he?

"I'm calling about Zack's grades," Mr. Cooper continued, "He's in serious danger of failing History."

Cody watched his mother's face apprehensively. He recognized Mr. Cooper's voice when he called, and he had a pretty good idea about why he was calling.

Cody shook his head and walked out of the living room and into his bedroom. He was greeted by Zack's soft cries.

"Zack," he said, standing at the closed door, "What's the matter?"

He waited for an answer that never came.

"Zack," he said again, walking toward his bed, "come on, this is getting really old."

He sat down at the edge of the bed and looked at his brother. His heart skipped a beat when he saw why Zack wasn't answering him.

_'He's sleeping.'_

Cody looked around the room they shared. As usual, his side was cleaner. Everything was put away in its designated place. His bed was made, the sheets folded military style. It looked immaculate. But something was wrong.

Zack's side of the room was usually so messy that it was impossible to walk without stepping on clothes or magazines or CD cases or old textbooks or whatever else he had strewn on the ground. But it wasn't like that now… it was clean. _Cody_ cleaned it the previous weekend.

"I should be happy," Cody muttered softly as he tried to ignore Zack's unconscious cries, "This means I won't have to do it all over _next_ weekend."

But something felt wrong about it. And after a second of contemplation, Cody figured out what that was. Zack never did anything anymore except sleep. He was too busy dreaming life away to mess up his side of the room.

Cody looked down at Zack again and frowned. Tears were slipping down the sides of Zack's cheeks and he was whimpering quietly. Cody shook his shoulder, "Zack?" he asked softly, "Wake up."

Zack opened his eyes at the sound of Cody's voice. He did not even notice the tears staining his cheeks.

"What?"

Cody furrowed his brow, "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying; I'm sleeping," he brought his hand to his cheek and felt the wetness. He lowered his eyes, "oh."

"Another nightmare?"

Zack sat up, "I guess. I don't remember it though."

"Was it the same as yesterday?" Cody asked.

"How should I know?" Zack snapped, "I said I don't remember."

Cody rolled his eyes and stood up from Zack's bed, "Whatever," he said, "But you should know that Mr. Cooper's on the phone with Mom right now."

Zack climbed out of his bed, "So?"

He walked to the door. He was going to take a shower.

"So he's probably telling her about the history test you _studied so hard for_ right now."

Zack stopped. He whirled around to face Cody, "Why did you say that?"

"Say what?"

He clenched his teeth, "Why did you say it like that—like you don't believe I studied for it. You know I studied! You were there, remember?"

His voice was growing louder with each word.

Cody averted his eyes.

"Forget it," Zack muttered. He walked through the living room to get to the bathroom. His mom was hanging the phone up.

"Zack," Carey said when she saw him, "We need to talk."

Zack froze.

"Come sit down," she said, patting the space next to her on the couch.

Zack took a few tentative steps and sat beside her.

"I just got off the phone with your teacher," she said sternly, "Mr. Cooper told me you're failing his class."

Silence.

"Do you have anything to say?" Carey asked.

He shook his head.

"Zack, this is serious," she said exasperatedly, "You could get held back if you don't bring your grades up immediately."

"I can get extra credit," he whispered, "and the project Cody and I did is worth a lot of the final grade."

Carey brushed a piece of lint off her blue Editor Pants, "That's something else I wanted to talk to you about," she said seriously, "You need to stop being so dependent on Cody for your schoolwork. You always expect him to help you with your homework and studying and—,"

"He _offers_ to help," Zack interrupted, feeling defensive all of the sudden, "I haven't _made_ him do my homework since like, last year at least."

Carey couldn't help but smirk, "Well that's definitely a step in the right direction."

"Look," he said, standing up, "I know I'm not perfect like Cody, but I'm trying. I don't know why I failed that stupid test, okay? I studied really hard for it, but then when I got to school I forgot everything."

Carey's expression softened, "I never said anything about Cody being perfect, Zack," she said.

"I have to take a shower," Zack said, dropping the subject. He turned his back on his mom and stormed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He turned the shower faucet on and changed out of his clothes.

He stepped into the shower. Scalding hot water flowed out of the shower head. Warm tears flowed out of his eyes.

_"I can't do this,'_ he though desperately as the steam fogged up the shower door. He thought about what was happening to his life. On the outside he seemed normal. Nobody had noticed anything was different with him except for Cody and now his mom. It had taken them long enough to see that he was changing. For awhile Zack was able to hold himself together. He was able to put up a façade that hid how he was truly feeling. But now everything was falling apart. His emotions were like his tears, bleeding out of his body. They were an old coat of paint, seen through the chipped off, newer layer.

Heaving gasps escaped from his lips as he tried not to cry. He tried not to think about school. He tried not to think about how it felt like his family was moving on through life, leaving him behind. He tried not to think about how he could not seem to feel anything but sadness, no matter what happened.

He tried not to think about the fact that he hated himself.

**To Be Continued**

**Up Next: Chapter Five: Happily Ever After**

Please review!


	5. Happily Ever After

_Blood in the Bathroom _by Rose Haze

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

**Author's Note: **Moving right along… It's been awhile since my last update (as always). But I'm in school now so things are sort of crazy. Hope you like this chapter!

_This chapter is dedicated to _Ivana Valerio _who left the 75th review._

**Chapter Five**

Happily Ever After

_"Oh my life is changing everyday in every possible way And though my dreams it's never quite as it seems "_--Cranberries

_A flame flickered at the bottom of a stairwell. Zack frantically looked from side to side, seeing nothing but darkness. The tiny flame illuminated the spiral staircase, but other than that it was impossible for Zack to figure out where he was. He started to walk down the stairs when a familiar phrase ran through his head: _Don't go toward the light.

_He stopped and turned around._

_"Oh, thank God," he said, relieved. The entire room lit up as soon as he turned around. He was in a dark castle. The walls were painted black and black tapestries hung from the ceiling. There were candles hanging from the walls._

_Cody was standing at the top of the steps. He was like the foyer of the castle—dressed in black. His eyes were closed._

_"Cody!" Zack cried, rushing up the steps, "Where are we?"_

_"Don't," Cody said, opening his eyes._

_Zack frowned, "Wh-what?"_

_Hannah appeared from down the corridor. She was wearing a blood red evening gown. It was sleeveless and decorated with sequins. There was a slit in the side of the skirt that practically went up to her thigh. _

_"Don't come any closer," Hannah said, resting her hand on Cody's wrist._

_Zack ignored her, "Cody, what's going on? Why are you acting like this?"_

_Cody sighed, "I thought you were going downstairs. That's what it looked like, at least."_

_"I was," Zack said, "Then I saw you."_

_Cody slipped his arm around Hannah's wrist, "so?"_

Why is he acting like this? _Zack wondered wildly, _why is he being so weird?

_"I don't know where I am," Zack said, panicked, "Cody I—I'm scared."_

_Hannah turned to face Cody. She touched his cheek and whispered, "I'll take care of this."_

_A shiver ran down Zack's neck at the chilling sound of Hannah's voice. He apprehensively stepped back, "You'll take care of what?"_

_Hannah took a few steps toward Zack. She ruffled his hair and blinked seductively at him. She opened her copper brown eyes and locked into his, "You."_

_Before Zack could say anything, Hannah leaned closer to him, causing his balance to shift. He was caught off guard._

_"I hate to do this to you," Hannah purred, "You being Cody's twin brother and all."_

_In one swift second she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and shoved him down the steps._

_"NO!" Zack cried as he fell back. He braced himself for the pain he would feel when he slammed against the steps, but it never came. He just kept falling._

_His heart sped up and confusion coursed through his veins. There was a soft voice whispering in his ear—Cody's voice._

_"Don't do this to yourself, Zack."_

_"Do what?" he exclaimed as he fell through the air. His voice was cracking as he held back tears._

"DO WHAT?"

"What?"

Zack looked around, breathing heavily. Cody was sitting on the edge of his bed. It was dark—for a split second Zack thought he was back in the castle. But then the image of his room became clear. As did the image of Cody's face, inches in front of his eyes.

"Do what?" Cody repeated.

"Get off my bed."

Cody shook his head, "Zack--,"

_"What?" _Zack asked irritably, crawling out of the bed.

"We should talk," Cody said quickly, "about the test and about these—these bad dreams that you keep having."

Zack shifted anxiously and stared at the uncharacteristically clean floor.

_Talk to him,_ he urged himself, _he wants to help—he's the only person who wants to help. Why should I face whatever this is all by myself?_

"Zack?" Cody asked, taking a few steps forward

Zack opened his mouth, unsure of what to say. He wanted to tell Cody everything. About the nightmares and how he could not stop feeling sad. About how he felt like a failure. About how he felt so completely alone…

He shook his head.

Cody sighed, "you haven't had dinner yet, have you?"

He shook his head again. After his shower he went back to sleep almost immediately and had his second nightmare of the day.

"I'll go warm up some spaghetti," he said gently, "we can talk in the kitchen, okay?"

"Cody," Zack stated, "I—like thanks for being here or whatever. But I can't—I mean I don't want to talk about this."

"Why not?" he asked in a shaky whisper.

Zack bit his lip. Cody was sitting on the edge of his bed, with his fists balled up on his lap. His eyes were wide and his brows were furrowed.

_He's worried,_ Zack realized guiltily, _he's worried about_ me.

"It's nothing, really," he said finally, "I'm just upset about the test. I thought I would do real good, but obviously I didn't. I'm just mad at myself I guess."

Cody nodded, perking up slightly, "Well like you said, the project _is_ going to be worth a lot. And you can do the extra credit. I'll help you. I'll help you as much as you need it."

"Thanks, Cody," Zack paused, smiling softly, "Come on. I'm starving."

They walked into the kitchen together.

"Where's Mom at?" Zack asked as they passed through the empty living room.

"She went to the Hawaiian Lemon with Lisa," he replied, "she said she would be back at around eight."

Zack glanced at the clock beside the refrigerator. It was eight thirty.

"Guess she's having fun," Cody murmured. He scooped some spaghetti out of the pot on the stove and into a bowl. He put the bowl in the microwave.

"Hannah's having a party this weekend," Cody continued as Zack sat down at the table, "She lives in a huge house. I've never been there before but I've passed by it a few times."

Zack rolled his eyes, _not Hannah freaking Bradley _again. He leaned against the table and turned the radio on.

"And that was Chasing Tigers with their new hit single, _The Shattered Coffee Cup_."

_Of course I turned the radio on one second after they played my favorite song,_ Zack thought wryly, _can _anything_ go right today?_

"The Tigers are touring Boston in two weeks, but they're sold out," the radio deejay continued, "but luckily for all you fans out there, you still have a chance to win tickets to the concert of the year.

Zack sat up, interested in what the radio announcer had to say.

Cody walked over to him, "I love the Chasing Tigers," he said eagerly, "Their concert sold out like the day tickets went on sale."

"I know," Zack said quickly, still listening.

"The number's 1-800-KLM-6789. The sixth, seventh, eighth and nine callers get the chance to participate in a Chasing Tigers trivia quiz at eight o'clock tomorrow. The prize? Two front row tickets to the concert. So get your fingers ready and start dialing… now!"

Cody dove for the phone, "What was the number?" he exclaimed.

Zack leapt up, "1-800-KLM-6789!"

Cody dialed as quickly as he could and put the phone to his ear, anxiously waiting.

"Is it busy?" Zack asked, remembering how unlucky he had been that day.

"No," he replied excitedly, "It's ringing!"

His face froze and his mouth dropped open.

"What happened?" Zack asked.

Cody waved him away, "Uh, Cody Martin."

"Uh, Cody Martin," rang out on the radio.

"No way," Zack said, shaking his head. A smile spread across his face as he watched Cody hang up the phone. He quickly jotted down a different phone number.

"I was caller number nine!" he cried excitedly, "I have to call the station tomorrow at eight to play the game."

"Cody you _have _to win," Zack said.

He grinned, "I know. I really wanted to see the Tigers in concert and now I actually have a chance."

The timer of the microwave went off, and Cody went to get their food.

Zack went back to his seat at the table and smiled to himself. He hadn't even realized it, but the last thirty seconds had been the best time he had in a while. He was actually happy for awhile there. And now he and his brother had a chance to get tickets to the concert of the year.

"Here you go," Cody said, placing a bowl of spaghetti in front of Zack He grabbed a fork for each of them and they began to eat.

Zack dug in. Things were actually looking up.

**To Be Continued**

**Up Next: Chapter Six: Hopes are Like Coffee Cups**

Please review!


	6. Dreams Are Like Coffee Cups

_Blood in the Bathroom _by Rose Haze

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

_I had this ready to post five days ago but the website wouldn't let me._

**Author's Note: **So it has been seven months. SEVEN FREAKING MONTHS. My litany of excuses involve serious school work, serious computer issues, semi-serious family stuff, and a dash of laziness. I really hope that I still have people interested in this story. If not… oh well, I'm going to finish it anyways. If anyone's reading this and _I'm Right Here, _there's kind a better explanation there. And I might update my profile to explain my absence. If you care. Hopefully you're more interested in my stories than my personal life, lol. Please review. PM me if you have any questions or just want to say Hey. Hope you like the long awaited chapter!

_This chapter is dedicated to _InNYC, littlerascalash, SillverMedal, wickidvip, LyokoDragon, Suspension, Bekll0Bella, and WKDVP2. _Thanks for the PMs and e-mails, guys. They made me feel so guilty because I couldn't even reply at the time, and now it seems silly to since they were sent out months ago. I'm still going to try to answer all of you, in addition to the review replies--you'll be tired of hearing from me!_

**Chapter Six**

Hopes are Like Coffee Cups

"_The bad times fade away/ Things are looking up/ Then I look down at my bleeding feet/ Standing on my coffee cup" ­_-Chasing Tigers

Zack and Cody spent the rest of the evening working on their history project.

Cody was being really nice. He helped Zack with the facts he was misremembering and he kept trying to make him laugh. More often than not he succeeded. But still, the elation Zack felt before dinner was slowly drifting away.

_What's wrong with me? _Zack wondered silently as he glued a cut-out of the American Flag to the corner of the poster board, _'I was fine like two seconds ago! Nothing has changed since then!'_

Carey returned home just as the twins were putting some finishing touches on the poster board.

"Hey boys," she said. She smiled, glad to see that Zack was putting some effort into his schoolwork, "how's that project coming along?"

"We're almost finished with the poster," Cody said, running his hand through his long blonde hair, "we still have to work on the essay and make note cards for the presentation."

Zack scooped up the remaining scraps of paper from the table and took them to the recycling bin, "Can't wait for that part," he muttered under his breath.

Cody glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and suppressed a sigh. Why did Zack have to be so negative about everything?

The silent question was still bothering him late that night as he lay in bed. He stared at the darkened ceiling and made a mental list of ways to cheer Zack up. If there was anything that Cody was good at, it was making lists. He thrived on order and plans. In his mind, organization was paramount.

_One,_ he thought meticulously, committing the list to memory, _Help him get his grades up. Two: Tell him all about Hannah. Three: Invite him to Hannah's party. Four: Do something nice for him._

Cody sighed and rolled over under his covers. His list was not very good. Feeling tired, he closed his eyes and let the sounds of his brother's even breathing from across the room lull him to sleep.

---------

Zack silently walked down the crowded halls of his middle school. All around him his classmates were passing him by. They seemed annoyingly happy. He tried to tune their voices out, but quickly discovered that it was impossible.

"Can you _believe_ Tara's dad got us tickets to the Chasing Tigers concert?" some girl in front of him squealed.

"I _know_!" her friend said shrilly, "It's going to be so awesome.

To Zack's right he could hear a group of eighth grade boys loudly discussing a hockey game they went to the night before. Other than that he was hearing random sentences from random conversations that sounded quite strange when they blended together.

"I don't know! If I _did_ know I wouldn't be asking!"

"I got five points from her!"

"I could like, not see."

"Would they write names?"

"She didn't even say anything."

"No they don't."

"He was afraid to ask the teacher to use the phone."

"Are you going to Hannah Bradley's party?"

"I have a zero!"

"I don't care if you're in _quadruple _overtime--just get the damn ball!"

_Shut up, shut up, shut up! _Zack slipped inside his English classroom where, luckily for him, it was silent. Nobody was in there yet, not even his teacher.

But the peaceful silence was short-lived. Not seconds after Zack made his way to his desk, other students noisily made their way inside. As they loudly talked about nothing important, Mr. Wolff came in and headed to the front of the room.

"Good morning, class," he said as he walked up to the chalkboard, "Please take out your copies of _To Kill a Mockingbird_ and let's get down to business.

Zack already had his book and notebook out on his desk. As Mr. Wolff began to discuss the chapters they recently read, Zack felt his eyelids grow heavy. He rested his head in his folded arms. Mr. Wolff droned on and on, his words soon sounded like nothing but a soft buzzing sound from far away. Surprisingly, it was not annoying. Actually it was kind of comforting in a soothing and relaxing way. Zack closed his eyes and focused on the gentle sound until he could hear no more.

"Mr. Martin? Rise and shine."

Zack jolted up and looked into the eyes of his English teacher. His eyes darted around the room. Everyone was gone.

_Oh my God--I slept through class!_

"You slept through class," Mr. Wolff stated, confirming Zack's obvious assumption.

Zack scratched his cheek, "Yeah," he said groggily, "Sorry."

Mr. Wolff sized him up as Zack stood and gathered his things. "Is everything okay?" he asked, softening his tone.

"Yeah," Zack replied as he slung his backpack over his shoulder, "I'm just tired. I was up late last night."

He turned to go.

"Hold on a second," the dark haired teacher said.

Zack froze. A feeling of dread swelled in the pit of his stomach and slowly made its way throughout Zack's entire body.

_It's bad enough that Cody's constantly giving me the Third Degree,_ he thought, _now my freaking teachers want me to talk about all this?_

Mr. Wolff retreated to his desk, "Let me get you a late pass."

The dread dissolved and was replaced with relief, "Thanks," he said with a small half smile.

He watched as his teacher scrawled a quick note on a pad of paper from his stationary, "Zack," he said as he handed him the pass, "I've been meaning to ask you-- is everything okay at home?"

Zack took the note from his teacher's outstretched hand, "Yep," he replied, "thanks a lot Mr. Wolff!"

He put the note in his pocket and hastily fled the room.

After school that day Cody barely let Zack out of his sight. Part of Zack was grateful for the attention. Sometimes at the hotel Zack felt invisible. His mom was busy with work and Cody was constantly studying or reading.

Cody talked nonstop the whole way home from school. He didn't shut up until Zack turned on the TV. He tried not to feel too annoyed with Cody. It was obvious that he was trying to be there for Zack. But Zack would have been more responsive to Cody's attempts of reaching out if he could talk about something other than Hannah Bradley.

"Hannah hates this show," Cody said during a commercial, "She says that the whole medical aspect of it is completely exaggerated."

"Hey, do you want to listen to the Chasing Tigers CD?" Zack asked suddenly.

He knew that if he heard one more Hannah Bradley fun fact he was going to scream.

"Sure," Cody said, his eyes lighting up, "I wanted to look them up on the internet and learn as much about them as I can. I have to be prepared for that contest tonight."

_Oh yeah! _Zack remembered how excited they were the night before.

"Come on," he said, standing up, "You helped me study for History, now I'll help you study the Chasing Tigers."

Cody smirked as he followed his twin into their room, "Let's just hope that _I_ actually learn something from this study session."

Zack turned around and looked at him. He was surprised that Cody would make a joke about that--especially after witnessing Zack's reaction to failing the test.

Zack's lips twitched, "I can't believe you just said that."

Cody playfully punched him in the shoulder, "Yeah, I figured you could handle a little joke, man."

"Come on," Zack said as he crossed the threshold into their room, "The contest is only a few hours away."

As Zack and Cody read everything they could about the Chasing Tigers, Zack felt his residual sadness slowly slip away. Cody did not mention Hannah Bradley even once as they poured through the facts.

Out of the corner of his eye, Zack glanced at his brother. Cody was sitting beside him, staring at the computer screen.

_Am I jealous?_ Zack wondered wildly. _Cody has a girlfriend and I don't... Could that be what this is all about?_

But somehow that did not seem right. So what if Cody got a girlfriend before him? Stranger things had happened. And Zack didn't have any interest in Hannah Bradley. He never did.

_Wait a second!_ Zack realized suddenly. _It's her... I _am _jealous...of Hannah!"_

It made sense--in a really warped way. All his life Zack depended on Cody. He wasn't just his brother. He was also his best friend. And now he had to share him with someone he barely knew.

Zack leaned back, practically sagging with relief. _So this is why I've been so messed up lately. God, I'm such an idiot._

Cody looked at him and cocked an eyebrow, "What's with you?"

"Nothing," Zack replied. Part of him wanted to share his revelation with his brother. But at the same time he did not want to sound all girly and weird. He had a rep to protect. He hated for anyone--even Cody--to think of him as weak or vulnerable.

At seven o'clock Carey called the boys into the kitchen. She ordered a pizza because she had a show to get to.

"You look happy," Carey commented to Zack as the boys sat down.

"Why shouldn't I be?" Zack asked, his mouth full of pepperoni pizza.

Carey ruffled his hair, "You tell me," she said, pushing back his too long blonde locks, "I just haven't seen your smile for a few days."

"He's just been needing to spend some quality time with his favorite brother," Cody joked, "and now he _has_ so he can be happy again."

"Yeah, right," Zack said, rolling his eyes. He'd die if Cody knew just how close to the truth he was.

As the night went on the pizza slowly disappeared. Then Carey disappeared. Then the sun disappeared. Suddenly the boys found themselves sitting in the living room. Zack held their old beat up radio on his lap while Cody held the cordless phone.

"Are ya nervous?" Zack asked.

Cody laughed, "Yeah, a little."

The twins lay identical stares at the digital clock in front of them. The second that the red numbers showed "8:00" the phone rang.

"Hello?" said Cody. His voice sounded strained, "This is Cody. Yeah, I'm ready."

Zack scooted closer so he could hear what the Deejay was saying over the phone, but Cody shoved him away.

"Go to our room so you can listen," he hissed.

"Oh, right."

Zack had forgotten about what Cody told him about radios earlier that day. When you were on the phone and on air there was tons of interference in the air signals. And because of this and something to do with the speed of sounds and radio waves, phone conversations got delayed for the segments. Zack had _no_ idea what any of this meant, so Cody simplified it all by saying that they could have the radio on, but it would have to be in a different room.

Zack flopped down on his bed and turned the radio on. Immediately he heard his brother and the other competitors introduce themselves.

"Okay," DJ Tally announced, "Let's get this contest started. We'll start with Caller Six, a.k.a Vincent. Name the hometown of Chasing Tigers' drummer, Erik Davies."

"Uh..." Vincent stammered, sounding unsure, "The Bronx?"

DJ Tally laughed, "Not quite. Try Tampa Bay. Sorry Vincent. The next question goes to Caller Seven. Mary Jane by any other name. How old is the Chasing Tigers' lead singer, Ray Morgan?"

Mary Jane didn't skip a beat, "Twenty-four," she answered in a confident and comfortable voice.

"Sure is," said DJ Tally, "Ray Morgan just celebrated his twenty-forth birthday while on tour with the band. Mary Jane, you get to stick around for Round Two. Next up, Caller Eight, who also answers to the name of Toby. Toby! Tell me the name of the Chasing Tigers first single.

_That's easy! _Zack thought to himself. He knew the answers to the first two questions too.

_Too bad I don't get graded on stuff like this for school,_ Zack lamented.

Toby wasn't as sure about the question as Zack though.

_"Shattered Coffee Cups?"_

"Not quite," said DJ Tally, "The first single that the Chasing Tigers released was _Depress Suppress_. Caller Nine, see also: Cody, the next question is yours. If you get this wrong, the tickets go to Mary Jane. IF you get it right we will continue to Round Two. Here's the question: What is the real name of the Chasing Tigers' guitar player, Scary Jerry?"

_Jeremiah Thaddeus Spencer!_

_"_Jeremiah Thaddeus Spencer," Cody answered promptly.

"That would be correct," said DJ Tally "Must be a family name. Now for Round Two with MJ and The Codester.

_MJ and The Codester? _Zack had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing out loud. This was why he usually didn't listen to DJ Tally. He sounded like he was somebody's parent just trying to sound cool.

"Mary Jane," DJ Tally continued, "Which of the Chasing Tigers has just gotten engaged earlier this month?"

This time around Mary Jane did not sound so sure of herself. "Erik Davies?"

"Nope," said DJ Tally, "The backup singer and only girl in the group, Libby Carson just announced her engagement to country singer, Lyle Miles. Mary Jane, if Cody gets this next question right he wins the tickets. If he gets it wrong we go to Round Three."

Zack peaked out of their bedroom, "Looking good, Cody!" he called. A few seconds later he heard that same phrase in the muffled background of the radio.

"Okay, Mr. Caller Nine," said DJ Tally, "What Chasing Tigers song is going to be used as an opening for Steven Spielberg's next movie?"

Zack frowned. He had no idea what the answer was. And judging by Cody's hesitant tone of voice, he did not know either.

_"Bodies in the Water?"_ he guessed, sounding totally unsure of himself.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!" DJ Tally exclaimed, "Caller Nine--or The Codester as we call him--is going to see the Chasing Tigers live next weekend. We're sending him and a friend to The Blanket Arena with front row tickets to the concert of the year. Everybody--thanks for playing. Cody, you can pick up your tickets at the broadcasting station on Main Street with a parent and proper ID. And now, listeners, here are the Chasing Tigers with their newest hit, _Shattered Coffee Cups_. Stay tuned for more great music all night long!

Zack turned off the radio and tore into the living room.

"You won!" he exclaimed, racing to his brother, "I knew you could do it, Codester."

"If you ever call me that again it will be the last thing you ever say," Cody said. The harsh threat was counteracted by the huge smile on his face.

Zack returned the smile. All the sadness and anxiety he had felt all day was completely out of his system. It was flushed away as if it had not even been there.

His heart was thumping fast against his ribcage. Every time the corners of his lips attempted to fall back into their usual straight line, an image of him and Cody at the Chasing Tigers concert would flash in his head, pulling the grin back to his face.

"Dude," he said, breathless from the excitement, "How cool is this?"

Cody put the cordless phone back where it belonged and flopped onto the couch, "Thanks for helping me study, man," he said, "I never would have known Scary Jerry's real name if you didn't show me all those websites."

"I sort of wish I _didn't_ know his real name," Zack said with a soft laugh, "Jeremiah Thaddeus Spencer? Who names their kid that?"

"Kinda ruins his image a bit, don't ya think?" said Cody, "What's so scary about a dude whose middle name is _Thaddeus_?"

Zack shrugged and thought about Scary Jerry's penchant for smashing guitars after the encore of all their concerts, "What's in a name?"

Cody stared at his brother, "Dude," he said, his eyes wide, "Did you just quote Shakespeare?"

Zack shrugged again, "Tybalt was cool."

Cody shook his head, "You are full of surprises, Zack." He stretched his arms and stood up, "Speaking of surprises, I have to call Hannah. She loves the Chasing Tigers. I can't wait to hear her voice when she hears that I got us front row tickets."

"Yeah," Zack grinned, "Wait--huh?"

_Who did Cody mean by "us"?_

"I didn't tell her about the contest yet," he explained, "I didn't want to get her hopes up."

"Oh," Zack said quietly, his smile faltering, "right."

Cody made a beeline for the phone and began to dial Hannah's number.

Zack quickly stood up and turned so that his twin could not see his face.

_He's taking Hannah,_ the voice in his head taunted, _he's taking Hannah to the concert even though I helped him with the contest and even though he knows how much I wanted to go._

Zack didn't know what sucked more--missing the concert of the year, or knowing that Cody didn't want to hang out with him.

He felt a stinging sensation behind his eyes when he heard Cody greet Hannah on the phone. Tears began to well up, so he hurried to his room before he started crying.

Without changing out of his clothes or even taking his shoes off, he fell into his bed and buried his face in his pillow. He pressed his mouth against the material of the pillowcase so that Cody would not hear his sobs.

_I hate this_, Zack thought brokenly, _I hate everything._

And then his thoughts tapered off and he cried himself to sleep.

_Zack found himself surrounded by oak trees. The sun was setting and the sky was a really pretty shade of deep cerulean. He came to what appeared to be a clearing in the forest when he saw a girl with light brown hair sitting on a large granite rock at the center of an empty patch of grass. She wore a dark scarlet dress. Her hair looked silky as it poured down to the middle of her back._

_Zack approached her from behind, "Hannah," he whispered._

_She turned around, smirking as she did so, "Good guess."_

_"What's going on?" he asked nervously._

_"It's all really simple, Zachary," she said, standing from her perch on the rock._

Zachary?

_She stood in front of him and stared at him with her deep, intense emerald eyes, "You're losing your mind."_

_"Wh-what?"_

_"You are going crazy," she stated simply, "Nobody can save you from yourself--not even Cody. Why would he want to anyways? You're such a loser."_

_"No I'm not," Zack said in a small voice._

_"Yes you are," Hannah said with conviction, "You are a total waste of space and everyone knows it. Your parents know it. Your teachers definitely know it. Your friends would know it if you actually had any."_

_"I do have friends," Zack said. But his voice was coated with tears._

_"Maddie knows you are a failure. Max and Tapeworm know it. Cody knows it and _you _know it. You've known it all along, but everyone else is just catching on now." _

_"You're wrong," Zack said desperately, "I'm not a loser."_

_Hannah smirked again and a small laugh escaped her heart shaped lips, "You know what, Zack? You're right. You're not a loser. In fact, you aren't anything."_

_He blinked and something felt... off. His body felt light and floaty like it did at the dentist's when he got laughing gas. Only this wasn't amusing. Not at all. He looked down...and nothing was there but a pale blue vapor. He was disappearing._

_"What's happening?" he asked frantically._

_Hannah laughed, "You're nothing."_

_Zack looked at his hands and watched as they melted into air. In the distance Hannah laughed._

_And Zack screamed and screamed and screamed. _

**To Be Continued**

**Up Next: Chapter Seven: What is this Feeling?**

Please review!


	7. What is this Feeling

_Blood in the Bathroom _by Rose Haze

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

**Author's Note: **Remember me? First of all, I want to apologize for not replying to all of the PMs and e-mails that I have received since my last update. I hope the little review replies are satisfiying enough this time around ( : All of the notes from you guys that I back-logged were accidently deleted, which totally bums me out. If there is anyone still out there that was following this story back when I was posting regularly, drop me a PM if you'd like. I'd love to catch up! Enjoy the chapter!

_This chapter is dedicated to all who reviewed chapter six: Helenz, RenesmeeScarlet, x22rebel, DPlover75, TearsOfTheForgotten, Phish Tacko, xhighflyerx, xCole-and-Dylan-rockx, X-Harlequin-X, Sima, empah89, Suspension (Hi!), optimistic_girl94, ArabellaKye, Princess Fig, GuardGirl24, In NYC (miss our chats!) WKDVIP2, willawalla, shy of silence, SillverMedal (__really__ hope you still come 'round these parts) _and _posonivykiss. _I missed you guys!!

**Chapter Seven**

What Is This Feeling?

"_So much of me is made from what I learned from you," _- Wicked

Cody could not have been happier. Everything was perfect now. He had tickets to the concert of the year and his mom said he could go _without_ her supervision. He could not wait to tell Hannah. The Chasing Tigers were her favorite band. It was going to be awesome.  
Cody rolled onto his back, buried deep under the covers. He could hear Zack from across the room. He was murmuring peacefully in his sleep. Cody wondered what he was dreaming about. It was dark in the bedroom. That was the way Zack had always liked it. But when they were younger he would always let Cody, who had been scared of the dark, keep the nightlight on. Cody smiled fondly at the memory. Zack always looked out for him, especially when they were kids. He was always protecting Cody from the things that scared him—the dark, bullies at school, even the scary movies that ended up giving Cody nightmares.  
From across the room there was a strangled moan. It did not have the sleepy, peaceful quality from before. Zack sounded hurt. He sounded _scared_. Cody frowned and sat up. He gazed across the room. He could not see very well because of the dark, but he could make out the shape of his brother, curled up in a ball and buried under his thick blanket.

Another anguished moan filled the room and sent Cody to his feet. Something was wrong with Zack. He crossed the room and sat on the edge of Zack's bed and looked at the mound of blankets that was his sleeping brother. Now that he was close he could see that Zack was trembling, like he was crying.  
"Zack?" he asked quietly, placing a hand on the blankets, "Hey, Zack, are you okay?"

No answer.  
He reached up to pull the covers back, wondering how Zack could stand to sleep like that—all hot under the blankets and breathing stale air. But after curling his fingers around the fabric and giving it a pull, nothing happened. Zack was clutching the blanket too tightly.  
"Zack," Cody said, raising his voice, "Come on, wake up for a second."

Nothing. Cody bit his lip and thought briefly of going to get his mom. He was getting worried—Zack was usually a very light sleeper.  
"_Zack_," he muttered through clenched teeth as he wrenched the blankets down.  
Cody's heart skipped a beat at the sight that greeted him. Zack was curled up in the fetal position. His face was wet with tears.  
Cody gave him a rough shake which was cut off by a bloodcurdling scream.  
He jumped back, startled by the noise. "Zack!" he cried as his heart rate went back to normal, "Wake up! Please! You're scaring me."  
The lights were turned on. Cody whirled around and saw his mom running towards him.

"What happened?" Carey asked, as she crouched beside the bed.

"I don't know!" Cody's baby blue eyes filled with tears, "He won't wake up."  
"Zack?" Carey called. She cupped his chin in her hand and gave his face a gentle but firm shake, "Sweetie, open your eyes for me."

Zack's eyebrows were knitted together and he was still grimacing in discomfort. His eyes were pressed shut but tears squeezed out from behind closed lids and slid down his flushed cheeks. His lips parted and he screamed again, then his face went lax. His fingers, which had still been holding on to the blankets, went limp.  
"Wake up, Zack," Carey said again, her voice wavering. That scream had been unnerving.

Zack moaned in his sleep, but then his eyes fluttered open.  
He squinted in the brightness of the room and looked at his mother and brother.

"What happened?" he asked, feeling confused, disoriented, and... scared.

Cody and Carey exchanged incredulous glances and then looked back at Zack.

"You were screaming," Carey told him levelly, "You wouldn't wake up."  
"Oh," Zack said, dazed. He pushed himself up, "Uh, that's weird."

Carey stroked his cheek. It was wet with tears and perspiration, "Were you having a bad dream?" she asked him. She looked worried.

He closed his eyes or a second, "Yeah," he said, "I think so."

He was shaking. Carey sat down on the bed and put an arm around her trembling son, "Are you feeling alright, Baby?" she asked him.

"Yeah," Zack said with a shaky voice, "I'm fine. Just tired."

"Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?"

Zack looked at her, looking like he wanted more than anything to say yes. But he miserably shook his head, "I'm fine," he repeated.

"Okay," Carey said, offering him an assuring smile. She kissed his forehead, "Get some rest." She looked at Cody and patted his shoulder, "You too."

The twins said goodnight to her and she left the room.

Cody looked at Zack. He was still shaking and he looked really pale.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked him, scooting a little bit closer.

Zack rolled his eyes and then lay down on his side, "Why do you care?"

Cody frowned, feeling slightly hurt, "Because you're my _brother,_ Zack," he said, placing a warm hand on his shoulder, "Of course I care about you."

_Yeah right! _Zack thought to himself, _all you care about is your stupid girlfriend._

"Come on, man," Cody pleaded, "I-I'm getting worried about you. You've been acting different. Not like you," he paused, "Please talk to me."

Zack did not say anything. But beneath Cody's hand his body began to shake even more. Cody froze. _He's crying,_ he realized numbly.

Cody rubbed his back, trying to offer him comfort. But the problem was that Cody did not know _why_ Zack needed to be comforted.

"Okay," Cody said with resignation. He gave Zack's shoulder a squeeze, "If you need me you know where to find me," he paused, "You can wake me up if you have to."

He waited for a response but never got one.

"Alright," he gave Zack a pat on the back and stood up, "I'll let you get back to sleep.

He got up and walked across the room. He turned the light off and then climbed into his own bed. He closed his eyes. As he drifted off to sleep he silently prayed to find a way to help Zack.

*

Zack felt like a zombie at school the next day. It was hard to keep his eyes open. He never did manage to get back to sleep after his mom and Cody woke him up. And he hadn't exactly been in a restful slumber before that.

He shuddered, remembering the way he just disappeared in the nightmare. And it did not _feel_ like a nightmare. It felt real.

When the long, tiresome school day finally ended, Zack numbly walked to the bus. He sat down in his usual seat. Cody appeared soon and he wordlessly sat down beside him. He was staring at the ground. He looked bummed.

Zack could not help but feel a twinge of guilt. His feelings were still hurt from Cody choosing to take Hannah to the concert over him. But he had been pretty mean to him after he woke up the night before. And Cody was just trying to help.  
"Hey," he said neutrally. It wasn't much, but they could start from there.

Cody made a noncommittal noise then glanced away.

_Whatever,_ Zack thought to himself, _I tried._

Neither of them said a word for the whole ride home.

They walked home from the bus stop in silence. When they reached the hotel Cody went straight up to their room and Zack went to the Candy Corner.

"Hey," Maddie said brightly when she saw him, "Haven't seen you for awhile."

Zack nodded. He didn't really feel like hanging around, but at the same time he was not really in the mood to be around Cody.

Maddie grabbed a chocolate bar from behind her and slid it across the counter.

Zack caught it, "I don't have any money," he told her.

Maddie winked at him, "It's on me," she said, "you know what, I was just about to take a quick break. Do you want to join me?"

Zack grinned and picked up the candy bar. He had had a crush on Maddie ever since his family had moved into the Tipton. She let him down gently when she found out, saying that she was too old for him. Zack accepted this, but he still had a thing for her. He nodded, "Sure."

He followed Maddie into the employee break room and sat down in one of the soft green couches. Maddie got two sodas from the vending machine, then she sat beside him, "You've seemed pretty down lately."

_That's because I _have_ been feeling down,"_ Zack wanted to say. It would have felt so good to just tell Maddie everything. He knew that she cared about him—even if it wasn't romantically. But what could he have said?

_You're right, Maddie. I've been felling pretty messed up. I feel sad all the time for no reason. And I'm always tired. And I've been having these crazy nightmares that don't make any sense. And I'm pretty much failing school. Oh, and every time something good actually happens to me, something bad happens to take it away. To top that off, I think I might be going insane. But other than that, I'm good. Thanks for asking._

"I've been okay," Zack lied. He popped off the tab of his soda, "It's just..."

"It's just what?" Maddie asked when his voice trailed off.

"Nothing."

"Come on, Zack," she prodded gently, "You can tell me."

Zack sighed, "I don't know."

Maddie nodded sympathetically, "Is everything okay with your mom and your brother?"

"My mom, yeah," he said, "But Cody—we haven't been hanging out too often. We haven't really been fighting or anything, we just… I don't know. It's like we're growing apart or whatever," without warning, tears sprang to his eyes, "and it sucks."

"That's tough," Maddie agreed, "You and Cody have always been really close."

"Not anymore," Zack said sadly, "And maybe never again. It's not like we have anything in common."

"You probably don't want to hear this, "Maddie said gently, "but you guys are growing up. You're starting to make your own friends and follow your own interests. And it's just going to keep happening, especially in the next few years when you guys start high school," she paused and waited for Zack to look at her. He did, his eyes were shimmering with unshed tears, "But Zack, Cody loves you. And he always will. You guys might not spend as much time together as you used to, but you're still brothers. You will always have each other."

A single tear escaped and slid down his face. Embarrassed, he swiped it away, "I just want everything to go back to the way it used to be."

Maddie brushed his hair back, "Maybe it will. The two of you can still be friends."

As soon as Maddie's hand made contact with Zack's face he could not keep a hold on his emotions. More tears spilled out of his eyes, "I miss him."

Maddie put an arm around his shoulder, "He hasn't gone anywhere, Zack."

Zack sniffed and wiped his eyes, "Feels like he has. He's different now."

"He's changing, Zack," she said sympathetically, "He's growing up."

_I hate growing up,_ Zack thought bitterly,_ I hate growing apart_.

"You should talk to Cody," Maddie suggested, "Maybe he misses you just as much as you miss him."

"Yeah, right," Zack said with an angry laugh. He knew that Cody was as happy as ever... although he did seem really upset after school. And he kept offering to get Zack to talk to him about how Zack was acting. A tiny flame of hope built up in Zack's stomach... maybe Maddie was right...

Maddie seemed to notice his change in attitude. She smiled at him, "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," Zack said, smiling back, "I think maybe I will try to talk to him."

"That's good," Maddie said, "Come on. I have to get back to work."

"Hey Maddie," Zack said.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for listening to me."

She smiled at him, "Don't mention it. Sometimes talking about our problems can really help. If you ever want to talk again just come find me, okay?"

Zack smiled back at her, feeling a sense of relief. He could not help but flash back to the night before when Cody had just won the concert tickets. He felt the same as he did then, happy, content, and hopeful. Hopeful that everything would turn out to be okay.

It made him nervous. After he felt hopeful last night his hopes were crushed when Cody chose Hannah over him. He knew that he could not stand to be hurt like that again.

He tried to think positively as he and Maddie returned to the Tipton lobby. It was not very crowded in there. There were guests checking out at the front desk with Mr. Moseby. Cody was there, leaning against the candy counter.

He looked up as Zack and Maddie approached, "Oh, there you are," he said.

Zack looked at Maddie who gave him a reassuring glance.

"Hey, Cody, can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked. He was ready to put everything on the table. He would tell Cody that he felt that they were growing apart and that he didn't like it. He even wanted to talk about all of the terrible feelings that had been bringing him down for the last few weeks. But Cody's sad face stopped him in his tracks. He stepped closer to him, "Cody, are you okay?"

"Here," Cody said, shoving something into Zack's hands, "Take these. I don't want them anymore."

Zack looked down at his hands. He was holding the concert tickets.

"I—what do you mean you don't want them anymore?" Zack asked, furrowing his brow, "You were going to take Hannah. You were so excited."

Cody shrugged, "Hannah can't go. Her parents won't let her go without any adult supervision and the concert's sold out so Mom can't get a ticket."

Zack frowned, "So you're not going at all? Because of _Hannah?"_

"I wanted them for her," Cody explained, "Just take them, Zack. That way at least one of us can have some fun with them. Besides, I couldn't have won them without you."

_But I want both us to have fun with them,_ Zack wanted to scream. Why didn't Cody want to go to the concert with him?

Zack chewed on his bottom lip and stared at the tickets in his hands. It was weird. The night before he would have done anything to get his hands on them. But now he had them and he could not help but feel a strange sense of contempt toward them—like it was the fault of these two little slips of paper that Cody would rather not go to the concert at all than go with Zack.

Zack felt little drips of fury slide inside of him. They poisoned the surprise and hurt he was feeling and turned all of his emotions into anger.

"Forget it," Zack snapped. He tore the tickets in half and dropped them on the floor.

"Zack," Maddie said, starting toward him and reaching her hand out.

"What the hell?" Cody exclaimed, interrupting her, "Zack those were front row seats!"

"What do you care?" Zack shot back, "It's not like you wanted them."

Cody shoved fisted hands into his sandy blonde hair, "God," he muttered, "_This _is why no one ever wants to be around you anymore. I was trying to do something nice for you, and you go and rip up the freaking tickets."

Zack's eyes stung. He was not imagining it—people _were_ avoiding him. And he had been right about Cody, too. He, Cody, basically just admitted to hating him.

"Whatever," Zack muttered, his voice thick with hidden tears, "screw you."

Cody rolled his eyes as he watched his brother spin on his heal and walk away.

"Cody," Maddie said as she walked around the counter, "You shouldn't have said that."

"He's been acting like this for weeks," Cody snapped, "I've been trying to reach out to him but he won't let me! I gave him tickets to the concert and he didn't even thank me."

Maddie sighed, "You really have no idea what that was all about, do you?"

"What do you mean?"

She picked a piece of fuzz off of her blue blouse, "Zack's hurting, Cody. He's going through a lot right now and he doesn't understand what's happening to him."

"What's happening is he's acting like a jerk," Cody snapped, "like always!"

"Cody!" Maddie exclaimed, "Why would you say that? Think of all the times Zack has been there for you."

"No," Cody said, bending over to pick up the ripped tickets, "I don't want to think about Zack at all."

When Zack entered the suite he did not know what to do with himself. His eyes were dry. The long elevator ride forced him to think about what just happened, and he found himself feeling more mad than sad. The anger burned his tears away.

Breathing heavily, he leaned against the closed door and shut his eyes. His mother did not greet him when he walked in, meaning she probably wasn't home.

_Or she hates you just like Cody does,_ taunted a voice inside his head.

He rushed to the bathroom and closed the door. He looked in the mirror and stared into his own reddening eyes. His lip trembled so he bit down hard to stop it.

_Don't be a baby_ he chided. He returned his gaze to his reflection and realized that he no longer knew who he was staring at.

One of his earliest memories was of looking into the mirror and thinking that he was looking at Cody. He remembered reaching out, and Cody doing the same. At first he thought Cody was playing a game, but after a few minutes he realized that there was something separating him from his brother, and no matter what he tried, he could not get to Cody. He started crying and Cody did too...

Zack shook his head. He did not really remember what happened after that. He just remembered that scary, helpless feeling he had when he could not get to his twin.

Zack let out a long shuttering sigh and one tear finally fell. It was followed by more.

That feeling he felt all those years ago was not too different from how he was feeling now.

**To Be Continued**

**Up Next: Chapter Eight: Forget Regret**

Please Review!


	8. Forget Regret

_Blood in the Bathroom _by Rose Haze

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

**Author's Note: **So as a fan of fan-fiction, I know that there is nothing more annoying than Works-in-progress that never seem to get updated and there is no word from the writer as to whether or not he/she plans on finishing it. I have no excuses, but I hope that some of my readers are still out there. Sorry to keep you waiting! Since it has been so long since my last update, I did not reply to the wonderful reviews that I got on my last chapter. I appreciated every one of them, I did not know if any of the reviewers would even consider a reply relevant so much later. But I would like to thank you guys for all of them and for all of the PMs you sent during my absence. If you sent me a personal message and did not get a reply please let me know! I'd love to hear from you! And now, on to the story!

**Chapter Eight**

Forget Regret

"_No day but today," - _RENT

As Cody rode up the elevator he held the ruined concert tickets in his hands. He held them together where they were torn down the middle and was glad to see that they could easily be taped back together. Maybe they were still usable after all. Too bad nobody wanted them.

_Who cares? _Cody thought to himself. The Chasing Tigers were cool, but he really only wanted them for Hannah. He thought that Zack might have enjoyed the tickets, but why did he have to be such a jerk about the whole thing? He didn't even deserve to go.

Cody leaned against the back wall of the elevator as it slowly ascended to his floor. He closed his eyes and sighed. Even though he was mad about what Zack did, he could not help but feel a little sad. He and Zack always argued, but they had never really hurt each other before. Cody ran his hand through his golden blonde hair. The more he and Zack started to grow apart, the more Zack started to seem like just a regular brother instead of a friend. They spent time together because they lived together and they _had_ deal with one another—not because they _wanted_ to. _If this were last year Zack and I would probably want to go to the concert with each other instead of bringing dates or friends,_ Cody realized nostalgically. He pushed himself away from the wall when the elevator stopped and he walked through the open doors. It was sad that they had grown so far apart.

_Oh well,_ he thought as he made his way to the suite, _At least I still have Hannah._

ooo

After pulling himself together Zack walked into the kitchen. He fixed himself a glass of ice water and took a few long and cold drinks. After a few moments his hands stopped shaking so he went to sit down at the table.

"Who cares?" he whispered into the empty room. _Who cares that I'm failing History? Who cares if I get held back? Who cares if Cody has a girlfriend and doesn't want to be around me anymore? Who cares that _nobody_ wants to be around me anymore? I don't need anybody. Especially not Cody. Cody's the one who has always needed _me.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he barely heard it when his brother walked into the room.

They made eye contact briefly, and then Zack looked away.

"You should do the review questions for History," Cody said curtly, "You're not going to get many more chances to pull your grade up before the end of the year."

Zack stared at him. Cody stared back, his face in a scowl.

"Don't tell me what to do," Zack said shortly.

"Fine," Cody said. He turned to go to their room, "See if I care when you fail."

"Maybe I _want_ to fail," Zack shot back, "Maybe I don't want to have classes with you all day!"

Cody smirked and shook his head as he reached their room, "Whatever, man," he said. He walked into the room and closed the door behind him.

Zack stared at the closed door for a few moments. When he was sure that Cody was not going to come back out he pulled his history book out of his bag and got to work on the extra credit.

After spending forty-five minutes completing the review questions, Zack sat on the couch and watched some TV. He barely paid attention to it. Carey came home and made grilled chicken and salad for dinner. The three of them ate in near-silence, and Zack and Cody did not even look at each other throughout the entire meal. After dinner it was not much later when both of the boys had showered, brushed their teeth, and went to bed.

As Zack lay under the covers and stared at the dark ceiling his mind drifted back to all of the nights where he and his brother stayed up for hours talking about hundreds of different things. Sometimes Cody would crawl into Zack's bed so that they would not have to talk across the room. They would whisper until they said everything there was to say, and slowly fall asleep, their shoulders touching.

Even though Zack was mad at Cody, he kind of wished that his brother was there with him now. He was worried that he would have another nightmare, and he always felt better when Cody was there.

_Oh well,_ he thought miserably as he closed his eyes. He knew that the nightmares would be there, waiting for him to fall back asleep. There was nothing that Cody could do about that.

ooo

_Zack is alone in the school building. It's weird—he always comes to school with Cody. He hears footsteps from behind him, so he whirls around and finds himself face to face with Hannah Bradley._

_"Not again," he groans, "What do you want?"_

_Hannah smiles sweetly, "I already have what I want, Zack. I have Cody. He doesn't need you anymore now that he has me."_

_"Whatever," Zack snaps, "He can spend time with whoever he wants."_

_He turns around and walks away, but it is not long before Hannah catches up with him.  
"He doesn't even miss you!" she taunts, "He never talks about you. It's like you never even existed to him!"  
"That's nice," Zack says. He stops in the middle of the empty, darkened hallway and turns to face Hannah, "You win. Cody's all yours," he paused and leaned closer, "So why are you telling me all of this?"  
Hannah's smile turned into a smirk. In the darkness her brown eyes almost looked black, "I don't want you to forget.." she leans in like Zack did, her scarlet lips are practically touching his ear when she whispers, "I want you to leave us all alone. None of us need you and there is nothing here for you anymore. You should just leave.  
Zack shifts to face her, but as soon as he moves, she's gone. He looks around but Hannah is gone. The hallway begins to get darker and darker, until Zack can no longer see anything at all..._

Zack did not scream when he woke up from this dream. He did not jackknife into a sitting position like they do on TV when they awaken from nightmares. He simply jerked under the covers and his eyes flew open. Zack sighed and rolled over. He heard Cody snoring softly across the room, his slumber undisturbed. Zack pushed himself up and leaned against the headboard. He gazed across the room at the crumpled heap on the other bed. He wondered what Cody was dreaming about. A small smile formed on his mouth when it crossed his mind that Cody could be dreaming about Hannah Bradley too, only hopefully his dreams were not as creepy as the one Zack just had about her.

Zack scratched his cheek. They might not have had much in common these days, but at least they had this one weird connection in their dreams. The thought did not provide the same comfort that he would have felt if Cody were there, rubbing his shoulder and telling him, _it's okay, Zack, it was just a dream;_ but it did make him feel a little bit better. Somehow.

Still sitting up against the headboard, Zack closed his eyes. It was comfortable to sit this way. Zack sighed and pulled his covers up over his knees. He did not fall back to sleep.

ooo

As Zack and Cody got ready for school they did not speak to each other. The silent treatment continued during breakfast and on the bus ride to school. In fact, Zack did not say a single word all day until he was walking out of English class.

"Zack," Mr. Wolff called as the students made their way to the hallway, "Can you stay for a second? I have a question for you."

Zack headed back to where Mr. Wolff was leaning against the lip of his desk. He shifted his backpack uncomfortably.

"So," Mr. Wolff said, crossing his arms over his chest, "I see our discussion today was interesting enough to keep you wake."

"Yeah," Zack said, "Sorry about the other day. I was really, really tired."

Mr. Wolff shrugged, "It happens. If it weren't for Geometry in high school I probably would have battled sleep deprivation all throughout my teenage years.  
Zack smiled and lowered his book bag to the chair on the desk behind him. As far as teachers went, Mr. Wolff was pretty cool. He wore jeans with his button-downs and he did not wear a tie like most of the other teachers did. He talked to his students like they were people—not children. And he was usually pretty lenient when it came to things like forgetting homework or accidently sleeping through class.  
"Anyway," Mr. Wolff went on, "The reason I kept you here was because I had a quick question for you."

'Okay," Zack said, leaning back against one of the desks in the front row.  
"How do you think Scout and Jem are changed by the trial?"

Zack froze. _So much for thinking that Mr. Wolff is a cool guy.  
_"Um," Zack began, "They like, learn that all actions have consequences. And, like, sometimes the end doesn't justify the means."

Mr. Wolff smiled sadly, "You haven't kept up with the book, have you?"

Zack looked down, "No," he whispered.

"I asked you this the other day, but is everything okay at home?"  
_Don't cry in front of your teacher,_ Zack commanded himself silently, _Do _not_ cry in front of the teacher!_

"Everything's fine," Zack whispered. He did not look up from the floor.  
"Can I ask why you haven't been reading the novel?"  
Zack shrugged, "I just forgot to, I guess."

Mr. Wolff sighed and pushed up his black glasses, "Well before you started to forget to do your reading where did you leave off in the book?"

"I think the part where the kid—Dil or whatever—came to town."

"Zack, that was the very beginning."  
Zack did not say anything.

"The rest of your classmates are nearly finished with the book. We're having the test in two days. I don't know if you can catch up by then."

"Is the test multiple choice?"

Although he looked like he did not want to, Mr. Wolff smiled.  
"Part of it is," he divulged, "but there is also going to be a short answer section and an essay at the end."

Zack sighed. He was already failing History. Now he was going to fail English too.  
"Zack, you need to get at least a C on the test or you're going to fail English."

Once again, Zack did not say anything.

"You don't want that, do you?"

Zack silently shook his head.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Mr. Wolff asked again, "If you don't want to talk about it you don't have to, but you gotta level with me here. If there is something going on, maybe I can help you bring up your grade. But I can only help if you ask me to."

"I just…" Zack stopped, "I don't know what's wrong with me. It's not anything wrong at home or here. It's just me. I can't do anything right anymore."

Mr. Wolff pushed himself away from the desk and rounded it to get something out of one of the drawers.

"Do you have a place where you can get your homework done?"

"I can do it at home," Zack told him, "Usually I do."

"Well here you go," Mr. Wolff said, handing Zack a DVD box, "this is the film version of _To Kill a Mockingbird._ I want you to take it home and watch it tonight if you have the time. To make up for the past few quizzes that did not go so well for you, I'm going to have you make up a chart illustrating some of the differences between the book and the movie."

"But I haven't read the book," Zack reminded him.  
Mr. Wolff nodded, "I'm giving you an extension on that. You can take the test and turn your chart in on Monday. On Friday when your classmates are taking the test I'll have you go to the resource room where you can either read some of the book or work on your chart. And when you do take the test, you can write about the differences between the movie and book for the essay portion."  
"Okay," Zack said quickly. That sounded fair—more than fair. "Thanks Mr. Wolff."

"No problem," he replied, "and if you want to talk about whatever has been going on, you know where to find me. Here you go," he scribbled something on a slip of paper, "late pass."

After taking the pass, Zack thanked him again and quickly exited the classroom. He felt relieved that Mr. Wolff was helping him out like this. Maybe he would be able to pass English after all. As he made his way to his next class he could not wait to tell Cody that he actually had to watch a movie for homework. Seeing Cody's face when he heard that might even be worth breaking their imposed vow of silence.  
The school day finally rolled to an end, and Zack was more than ready to head home. But when he reached the parking lot where the busses picked up the students, he realized that he left Mr. Wolff's DVD in his locker. Spinning on his heel, he ran back upstairs to get it. He returned to the parking lot just in time to see his bus driving away.

Zack's heart sank. Cody was on that bus. _He could have stopped the driver if he wanted to. He knew I'd be out here eventually._

"Whatever," Zack muttered under his breath. The hotel was not too far away from the school. He and Cody had walked home plenty of times. Sometimes, depending on the traffic, walking home was even faster than riding the bus. It was a warm April day. It was almost starting to feel like summer. It felt so nice out that Zack decided to take a trail through a wood that led to the Tipton instead of the sidewalk. It would take a little longer, but he did not care. Sometimes when Zack was by himself it felt easier to breathe. As he walked through the leafy green meadow he felt more peaceful and free than he had in a very long time.

_Once Cody and I turn our History project in my grade is going to go up,_ Zack thought as he walked alongside the brook in the woods. His grade already improved a little bit that day when he turned in the extra credit. He decided that he would watch the movie as soon as he got home, and he would read a few chapters of the book before going to bed. He could finish most of the book over the weekend. It was not as if he was planning on doing anything else. Hannah Bradley was having her stupid party, but Zack had no intention of attending it. He doubted that he was even invited to it. When did Hannah Bradley even talk to him, other when he was having weird nightmares about her?

As Zack walked out of the woods he felt lighter than he had been feeling. Yeah, things were still kind of messed up with Cody, but at least he was getting the whole school situation taken care of. As for Cody, well they fought all the time. And they always made up.

_We'll be fine,_ Zack told himself, _he'll apologize for ignoring me and I'll apologize for being a jerk to him and everything will be perfect... until we find something else to fight about._

Zack smiled to himself as he walked across the lawn that led to the Tipton parking lot. But when he reached the edge of the grassy patch he saw something that stopped him dead in his tracks.

The parking lot of the Tipton was swarming with people. They all looked frantic and worried. Up ahead there were police cars and three ambulances, all of which had their bright lights flashing.

An older couple looked on, separated from the crowd. With his heart beating fast and hard Zack ran over to them.

"What happened?" he asked them breathlessly.

"We're not exactly sure," the woman answered shakily. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were puffy. She nervously ran her hand through her light brown hair, "there was some sort of commotion between some guests in the lobby. They took it outside and the entire crowd followed them. Some of the people who work at the Tipton were trying to put a stop to it. A bunch of guests were there too. And then..." the woman choked out a sob, "My goodness, I've never seen anything so horrifying in my life."

"What?" Zack asked. His stomach started to hurt and his cheeks felt numb. His mom and Cody were both probably home at this point. And so were his friends—London, Maddie, Estebon, Mr. Moseby—everybody he cared about was in that hotel.

"Some reckless idiot was driving around in the parking lot," the man went on where his wife left of in a somber tone, "He crashed into the crowd of people."

Zack's heart sank. The numbness began to trail down his entire body.

"How many—how many people were hurt?"

"I heard they were taking eight people to the hospital," he wrapped a comforting arm around his wife, "One person died."

"It was just a child!" the lady sobbed, "all of that blood in that blond hair!"

"Oh, God," Zack breathed out. A kid with blond hair... "Cody..." he whispered. He robotically made his way to the crowd.

_We won't be fine,_ Zack realized as tears stung his eyes. He started walking faster.

_Cody's dead, Cody's dead, Cody's dead!_

He broke out into a run.

"Cody!" he called out, hurrying towards the scene. There were so many people crowded around that he had to push his way toward the center of the group where all of the action was. He called out to his brother again.

"Hey," somebody called, grabbing him from behind once he made his way to the center.

Zack froze as he surveyed the damage that the car caused. There was so much blood, so many people crying.

The man who grabbed him spun him around and pulled him back before he had a chance to get a good look at what was going on. It was a police officer.

"Don't go any further," he ordered, "let them do their job."

"My brother's there!" Zack sobbed, trying to pull away from the cop, "Let go of me! I want to see my brother!"

He wrenched himself free from the cop's grasp only to find more hands holding him back.

He fought and fought to no avail, he could not break free. He felt the weight of all of the emotions that he had been experiencing during the past few days come crashing down on him like an avalanche of fire. He could not breathe anymore. He wanted to go back to the meadow where he felt free. He wanted his brother there with him, but that was impossible because Cody was gone.

_I'm having a dream! This is just another one of those weird nightmares._

Zack collapsed limply to his knees, knowing this was real. Some of the people who had been holding him backed off, but the hands of the police officer remained on his shoulders.

"Cody!" Zack cried out, knowing it would not be answered, "CODY!"

**To Be Continued**

**Up Next: Chapter Nine: All Through the Night**

Please Review!


	9. All Through the Night

_Blood in the Bathroom _by Rose Haze

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

**Author's Note: **Minor warning: While there is nothing too graphic, I should mention that there is a lot of blood in this chapter. In other news, I would like to thank everyone who reviewed or PMed after the last update! I replied to all of the reviews, but I still have to get back to those who left messages. Your support means everything and I am so happy that there are still some people who want to read this story!

**A/N 2:** This one is specifically for someone who at one point went by the username littlerascalash. Unless I'm going crazy you sent me an e-mail or a PM or maybe even a review last time I updated, and I must have accidently deleted it because I cannot find it anywhere. I would have loved to reply, but I somehow lost the original message, so I apologize. But I would really like to hear from you again if you see this! Unless I dreamed the whole thing up, which would be very weird!

**Chapter Nine**

All Through the Night

_To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness." -- __Erich Fromm_

Zack dropped his backpack onto the ground and frantically rifled through it. Since it was so warm out he had shoved the sweatshirt he had worn to school inside of it before leaving the building. The sweatshirt actually belonged to Cody. As he knelt on the ground he held it close and tried to breathe in the scent of his brother, but there was nothing there. He had nothing left of him.

"Cody," he mumbled tearfully. He buried his face in the sweatshirt.

A hand dropped to his shoulder and he shook it off. He did not want to deal with the stupid cop. He just wanted to be left alone.  
But the hand was persistent; somebody crouched down in front of Zack and put his hands on either side of his face. Furiously, Zack looked up. The concerned face of Cody floated before him.

Relief pierced Zack's heart. He dropped the sweatshirt and fell into Cody's arms, sobbing.  
"I know," Cody murmured. He rubbed Zack's back, "Zack, I'm so sorry," he said. A shudder went through his body and he gripped Zack a little tighter, "I thought you got hit."

The front of Cody's shirt was damp with Zack's tears.

"Thought it was you," Zack mumbled into the blue cotton. He felt Cody squeeze his shoulder reassuringly, "These people said someone died. They said there was blood in their blonde hair…" frantically he pulled back, "Cody—Mom!"

Cody was staring at him with a worried look on his face, "No, Zack," he said carefully, "Mom's okay. She was looking for you."

Zack pressed his face against Cody's shoulder. _'I was so scared,'_ he wanted to say, _'we were fighting and I thought you died while you were mad at me.'_

He didn't say anything, but his brother seemed to get the message.

"God," Cody said, still holding onto him, "You were really worried, weren't you?"

Zack nodded silently. He felt Cody sigh.

"Come on," Cody said after a moment. He patted Zack's back, "let's get you inside. We have to talk."

Zack felt Cody put his hands under his arms and pull him up to his feet. Apparently you didn't just calm down after panicking like that, because once Cody let go of him, Zack began to sway. After picking up the backpack, Cody grabbed Zack's arm.

"Hey, man, are you okay?" Cody asked him, steadying him.  
"Dizzy," Zack mumbled.  
"Come on," Cody said, he slung Zack's arm over his shoulder and walked him inside. As they passed the taped off area of the wreckage, Cody made a point to block Zack from the view.  
"Don't look, Zack," he muttered, "I'll tell you everything when we get inside."

Zack obeyed. They were able to walk through the front doors of the Tipton without anybody stopping them. The lobby was almost as chaotic as the parking lot had been. There were police officers walking around, talking to bewildered guests. Mr. Moseby was leaving with one of them just as Zack and Cody walked inside. Cody led Zack to the elevator. Before pushing any buttons, Cody stood on his tiptoes and looked around, "there's mom."

Carey saw them right away and hurried over to where they were standing.

Zack's arm slipped from Cody's shoulder and he walked up to his mother. She embraced him so quickly and with so much force that Zack stumbled.

"You scared us, Sweetie," she said. She crouched down slightly so that she could look into Zack's wide eyes, "Oh, Zack, I'm so sorry."

Zack stepped back. He looked at Cody, "You said you were sorry too," he glanced from his brother to his mom, "What's going on? What happened?"  
Cody fidgeted, "I didn't tell him."

"Tell me what?"

Carey's eyes, which were already red from crying filled up with tears, "Sweetie, this whole thing started when a reporter from a tabloid was trying to take some pictures of London. Some of the staff members chased him outside and Maddie... Maddie was one of the people who got hit."

Zack bit his lip, remembering the description from the lady from the parking lot.

"She's dead, isn't she?"

Carey wrapped her arms around him and kissed the top of his head, "I'm so sorry, Zack," she said as her tears fell into his hair, "I know how close you two were."

Zack closed his eyes. His entire body went numb. The day before Maddie was the one person who knew what he was going through, and now he was gone. But the tears that he spent on Cody moments earlier did not return. Zack could not feel anything.

Carey pulled back and wiped her eyes, "I want you two to go upstairs, okay? I'll be up as soon as I can, but first I want to stay down here and see if I can find London. She must be so upset."

"Shouldn't we stay too?" Cody asked her, "Maybe there's something we can do to help."

Carey looked over at Zack who had gone pale and was trembling. His gaze was vacant and he looked weak. She put an arm around Cody and whispered low, "Right now I need you to take care of your brother."  
Cody looked over at Zack and saw that his mother was right. Under normal circumstances he knew that Zack would not be taking this very well. But along with how he had been acting recently, Cody worried that Maddie's death would cause Zack to lose it. He nodded at his mother, and then brought Zack over to the elevator. As they rode up to their floor, Cody kept his arm on Zack's elbow, because he still looked like he might just fall over.

Unfortunately, despite Cody's steadying hand; that is exactly what Zack did.

"Zack!" Cody cried as his brother fell to his knees. He knelt in front of him. He put one hand on Zack's side and used the other to cup the side of Zack's face, "What's wrong?"

Zack did not look Cody in the eye. He simply mumbled, "Maddie just died."

Cody squeezed his eyes shut. _Don't cry in front of Zack,_ he demanded of himself, _he needs you to be strong. _ Cody forced himself to blink away his tears. He forced himself to focus on Zack instead of Maddie.

"I know," he mumbled softly, "And it's not fair."

"It's not fair," Zack repeated. His voice was soft and monotonous. The elevator stopped, "We're here."

Cody helped Zack up and together, they walked down the hall to their suite.

"Do you think she was in pain?" Zack asked quietly as they entered the room.

"I hope not," Cody said, "I was looking for you the whole time. I—I knew that you didn't take the bus home and I thought you might have been hurt," he shook his head and then went on, "I ran to where the wreck was, just as the ambulances were pulling in. There were a few people lying on the ground, and a few more just walking around, with blood all over," Cody shuddered, remembering, "I was so relieved when I didn't see you or Mom there but then," he nearly choked on a sob, "there was Maddie."

They headed straight for the couch. Cody made sure that Zack was comfortable, and then he hurried off to get him some apple juice. He did not like how weak Zack seemed. He was afraid he would collapse again.

"Drink this," Cody ordered, handing him the cup. Zack looked up, "I'm not thirsty."

"Drink it anyways," Cody said gently, "You look like you're going to pass out, dude."

"I'm fine," Zack mumbled, but he took the cup and took a few sips.  
Satisfied, Cody sat down next to Zack, close enough to him that their shoulders were touching, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Zack shook his head.

"Okay," Cody said, "We don't have to. But we can if you change your mind."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Silence filled the messy room.  
"Do you want me to turn on the TV?" Cody asked.

Without answering, Zack stood up and walked to the door.

"Zack?"

Zack ignored him and went for his book bag, which Cody had discarded at the threshold of the room. He pulled Mr. Wolff's DVD out of his bag and brought it over to the couch.

"_To Kill a Mockingbird_?" Cody read from the cover. He looked up at Zack, "Aren't you reading that for English?"  
Zack nodded. English was one of the classes that he and Cody did not have together. Cody's class had read _To Kill a Mockingbird_ at the beginning of the year, and now they were on _Animal Farm._

"Mr. Wolff gave me a special project," Zack told him in an expressionless voice, "I have to compare the movie to the book."

A deep crease formed down the center of Cody's forehead. He could not remember Zack ever _wanting_ to do homework before—even if it was just watching a movie. Cody folded his arms and sadly watched as his brother got the movie set up.

"Zack, maybe we _should_ talk about Maddie."

Zack looked down and closed his eyes, "No," he whispered, "No, Cody, please. Not yet."

Cody took Zack's hand and led him to the couch. He put his arm around Zack's shoulders, "I think it might help. I cared about her, too. I'm dealing with this just like you are."  
Zack bit his lip, "Can't we just watch the stupid movie? Please Cody?"

Cody squeezed Zack's shoulder, "Okay," he said, "We won't talk 'bout it yet."

Zack nodded. He tipped his head sideways so he could rest it against Cody's shoulder. He closed his eyes and snuggled up against Cody's side. Even though they were always fighting lately, they were still brothers and best friends. And even though just thinking about Maddie made his stomach hurt so much that he thought he might throw up, he still felt so, _so_ relieved that Cody was alive, and that he wanted to be there for him. As the movie began, Zack felt Cody gently run his hand up and down the top part of Zack's arm. Pushing all thoughts of Maddie out of his mind, Zack let the quiet sound of the movie and the gentle rhythm of Cody's comforting hand lull him to sleep.

ooo

_Zack rode the elevator down to the lobby and waited for the doors to slide open. When they finally did, Zack felt his heart stop beating in his chest. The floors of the Tipton Lobby were littered with the broken and bleeding bodies of Zack's friends and family. He forced himself to exit the elevator and look around. Tears filled his eyes as he walked around the fallen forms of Cody, his mother, Maddie, and even his father. As he made his way through the lobby he saw Mr. Moseby, Mr. Wolff, Max, Tapeworm, and London. Everyone he cared about was lying on the floor, and they were all dead. He went back to the front desk where he first saw Cody. There, he saw Hannah, dressed in all black, cradling Cody's lifeless body in her tan arms. _

_"What are you doing!?" Zack exclaimed. He dove to the ground and pulled Cody's body away from Hannah. Cody's head fell back and smacked the hard wooden floor. One side of his face was covered in dark, sticky blood, while the other side was pale white. Cody's eyes were closed and his mouth hung open, blood trickled down his chin, and was seeping out of his ears too. Tears slipped from Zack's eyes._

_"You've lost everyone," he heard Hannah say with a smug voice, "You're all alone."_

_"Shut up," Zack whispered. He pulled the body of his dead brother into his lap and held on tight. Why did they waste so much time fighting with each other? _

_"He's better off without you, you know," he heard Hannah sing, "He is happier now that he's dead because he doesn't have to deal with _you_ anymore. So is Maddie."_

_"Don't talk about them" he snapped._

_Hannah laughed, "You'll never know how much she couldn't stand you," she said, "for how annoying you were. She hated that you always went to her with your stupid little problems. I mean, seriously, Zack, Maddie was in _high school._ She had _real_ issues. And you were always burdening her with your petty little whining about how Cody doesn't love you anymore now that he has me."_

_"Shut up," Zack cried again, "just shut up. You have no idea what you're talking about."  
Hannah smiled, her dimple deepened in her curved cheek, "Yes I do," she said, "And there is something else that I know, Zack," she narrowed her eyes and leaned forward, "I know that it is all your fault that she died," she glanced around the bloody, morbid room, "It's your fault that all of these people died. You killed everyone that ever cared about you!"_

_Zack shook his head and pulled Cody's body up to his chest, "No I didn't," he sobbed. He buried his face in Cody's sticky, blood-covered hair. He looked back up... but Hannah wasn't there anymore. In her place sat Maddie. She had blood all over her like Cody did, and there was glass and gravel imbedded in her face. _

_"Maddie," Zack breathed, tears filled his eyes once again, "Maddie, you're alive!"_

_Maddie shook her head sadly, "No, Zack," she said in a low voice, "No, I'm dead and it's all because of you."_

_"Wh-what? No! Hannah was just saying all of those things to make me feel bad. I didn't—I didn't kill you guys."_

_Maddie sighed, "it was just too much. I could not handle your problems on top of my own. It just got to be too much, you know? It just _crushed_ me."_

_All of the sudden Zack felt a strong pressure on his shoulders. It pushed down on him so that he could not breathe. He tried to scream but nothing came out. It wouldn't have mattered—everyone who was nearby was already dead. _

_"This is how it felt!" Maddie cried, "This is how you made all of us feel before we died. _

_"I-I'm sorry," Zack gasped as he tried to pull air into his lungs. But nothing helped. The last thing he was aware of was somebody shaking his body._

ooo

Cody continued to massage Zack's arm, even though he knew that his brother was asleep. He had fallen asleep just a few minutes after the movie started, and honestly, Cody was relieved. His stomach clenched up and his eyes filled with tears when he thought about Maddie, and he knew that it had to have been a hundred times worse for Zack. He glanced at his brother. Zack was still leaning against him in sleep. He had one fist unconsciously clutching the front of Cody's shirt. He had been in that same position for a little over an hour now. Cody tilted his face forward and placed a gentle kiss on Zack's temple. But when he pulled away he noticed that something was very wrong. Zack's lips had slipped open like he was screaming, but he did not make a sound. Quickly, Cody shifted and guided Zack up so that he was leaning entirely against the back of the couch instead of against Cody.

Cody knelt in front of Zack and squeezed his shoulders tightly, "Zack, wake up!"

Zack's mouth moved, "I'm...srrry..." he managed to choke out.

Cody shook Zack's shoulders, "You have nothing to be sorry for!" he cried, "Zack, it's okay, I promise that it's okay. But you're scaring me and I need you to wake up!"

Zack jerked back against the fluffy cushions and his eyes opened. He looked around before settling his gaze on Cody's worried face. He pushed himself up so that he was sitting at the edge of the couch. Cody got up from his kneeling position on the floor and sat next to Zack on the couch. He rested one hand on Zack's knee.

"It was all a dream," Zack murmured. He ran his hand through his hair, "It was all just a terrible dream."

"What did you dream about?" Cody asked him, giving his knee a light squeeze.  
Zack shook his head, "I went down to the lobby and you, Mom, Dad, and like everyone else were all down there. But everyone was dead and bleeding all over the place."

Cody shuddered, remembering the terrible sight he saw in the parking lot that afternoon. It sounded like Zack faced similar images in his nightmare.

"That sounds awful," he whispered.

Zack nodded, "And in the part before that there was this big car crash in the parking lot of the hotel and at first I thought that you and mom were hurt or something, but it was actually Maddie that..." Zack's voice trailed off as his memories from that afternoon came rushing back to him. He looked up at Cody who had gone pale and wore a horrified expression on his face.

Zack swallowed and felt uneasy, "It's... that part wasn't a dream, wasn't it?"

"No," Cody whispered, shaking his head, "It wasn't. I wish it were, but... you know."

Zack nodded. Cody watched him carefully. At first Zack just stared numbly in front of him, but then some silent tears slid down his passive cheeks. His features crumbled, and then at last, a sob escaped from behind his lips.

"Zack," Cody murmured, moving his hand from Zack's knee to his shoulder, "Come here, man." He guided Zack down so that he was resting his head in Cody's lap. Once Zack was in a lying down position, he completely fell apart. He twisted so that he could bury his face on top of Cody's bent knees and he balled the loose denim of Cody's jeans in his fists and he held on tight. He cried so hard that his entire body began to shake and he didn't know if he would ever be able to stop.

Cody fought back his own tears so that he would be able to stay strong for Zack. He leaned in close to Zack's ear and whispered things that he hoped would somehow bring his brother some comfort, "It's okay, Zack," he said quietly, "I'm here, I've got you and I promise everything is going to be okay." He rubbed Zack's back and occasionally leaned forward to kiss the top of Zack's head. By the time Zack's cries faded away into deep, even breaths, the movie had ended. Neither of them had paid it one bit of attention.

Once Cody was sure that Zack had cried himself to sleep, he leaned back against the cushions and closed his eyes. Even though he had just been sitting there, he felt exhausted. With his arms still wrapped around his sleeping twin brother, he let himself fall asleep, comforted by the warm pressure of Zack's head nestled against his lap.

ooo

Carey had remained downstairs for over two hours after sending Zack and Cody up to their suite. She talked to the police officers and the guests and she tried to comfort London Tipton who had been inconsolable.

After leaving London with the one person who knew her best—Mr. Moseby—Carey finally decided that it was time to go see the two people who needed her. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she rode up the elevator. She did not mean to leave her boys alone for so long. But the closer she got to their floor, the guiltier she began to feel. She knew that London needed comfort and she knew that the cops needed answers. But Zack and Cody needed their mother. They needed guidance as they faced their first experience of the death of a loved one, and for two hours, she had not been there to give it to them.

As she walked into the suite, she tried to think of what she could possibly say to them. But when she walked inside she saw that the twins had solved that problem for her.

She approached the living room and saw that both of her boys were sound asleep, wrapped around each other on the couch. She sighed as she watched them sleep. She was so thankful that her sons were so close. They were all going to need each other as they tried to make sense of this tragedy.

**To Be Continued**

**Up Next: Chapter Ten: Swimming/Drowning**

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